Shhhhhh, we're currently strumming on an acoustic guitar while wearing a whimsical white pinafore, and it's extremely important because Nashville. Our favorite show is back from hiatus with Season 1, Episode 12 "I've Been Down That Road Before," and thank god. We've spent the last week singing at unsuspecting randoms, binging on bean dip, and trying to communicate with the Ghost of Johnny Cash with a Ouija Board. Basically, our bodies are ready to re-enter Music City.
Also, much like Deacon, we are sober-drunk right now. Deal with it.
I Will Always Love You
OMG, surprise! Deacon's (Charles Esten) going on tour with our favorite country legends, which means he'll be strumming Juliette's (Hayden Panettiere) guitar while simultaneously plucking Rayna's (Connie Britton) heartstrings. His fingers, guys, they wiggle around in all kinds of mysterious ways.
Deacon is just what Juliette needs for people to take her seriously, but his tragic studliness is majorly cockblocking Rayna and Teddy's (Eric Close) relationship. Deacon and Rayna pretty much spend this entire episode dry-humping each other with their eyes until the sexual tension reaches a peak and they have a steamy hot makeout session in an elevator, and let's just say we've never been so smitten by a middle-aged spit-swap in our lives.
So, what does Teddy think of Rayna and Deacon's reunion? He's so sad that his hair coifs itself in a frenzy, and then he goes on a mayoral rampage of doom and destruction. By which we mean he totally does the humpty hump with his co-embezzler, Peggy. But does Teddy feel guilty? Not so much. In fact, he shows up at Rayna's hotel, gets in the way of her poetic love-making with Deacon, and asks for a divorce.
What-the-ever, Teddy, hope you like wearing an orange jumpsuit in jail.
In other news, Juliette is having an existential crisis about body glitter, and she's ready to mix things up with her "brand." This gal wants to become a legit country artist, and she needs to nix the back-up dancers and wind machines. You know what that means!
Time for a melancholy on-stage acoustic number (please ignore Juliette's unfortunate billowing hipster blouse), which critics totally hate but her fans totally love. Sigh, we blame Deacon and his sad eyes, and frankly so does everyone else.
And speaking of Deacon, we feel so sorry for him now that Juliette is a "singer / songwriter." Poor dude seemed really turned-on by that one dancer gyrating at him, but whatever. He'll just drink his emotions away with some sparkling water.
Stand By Your Man
Time to check in on everyone's favorite virginal love-birds, Scarlett (Clare Bowen) and Gunnar (Sam Palladio), who are still tenderly exploring each other's bodies through the gift of music. These two are getting closer than ever, but there's just one problem: Avery's (Jonathan Jackson) soul patch. And also just Avery as a person, because he kind of sucks lately.
This up-and-comer is all kinds of jealous that Scarlett and Gunnar are playing with his band, and to make matters worse he owes Scarlett rent money –– which means they have to have yet another awkward hang session ripe with emotions. RIPE.
Here's what goes down: Avery and his confusing facial hair head to Scarlett's house to film a mini-feature about his life, and he straight-up refuses to pay rent when Scar asks for it. Pshh, Avery. We are judging your man-jewelry so hard right now.
Anyway, looks like Scarlett needs a roommate, which brings us to Avery 2.0 (aka Gunnar)....
Look, we know Gunnar and Scarlett are too busy writing poetic limericks to deal with things like "memory," but are we the only ones who saw them making out at The Bluebird a few weeks ago? Because their sexually repressed friendship is about to explode all over the place like a huge can of cheez-wiz.
But forget about that –– what does Avery think of Scarlett's new roomie? Well, dude basically flies into a hunky rage and punches Gunnar in the face. Oh, here go hell come. This dude might come off as a sensitive dreamboat, but Gunnar unleashes his guns (LOL, see what we did there?) and beats Avery to a pulp. His soul patch will never be the same. And neither will his actual soul.
Oh, and breaking news: Marshall Evans wants to give Rayna her own label –– but only if she brings in a couple of fresh new acts, which brings us back to our favorite wandering minstrels, Gunnar and Scarlett! High fives, guys!