Taylor Swift's life is so hard. It's like, between the pressures of being 22 (for the second year in a row), releasing a song about being 22, and maintaining that flop of hair otherwise known as "bangs," girlfriend can barely make it out of bed in the morning to strum her acoustic guitar. To make matters worse, Taylor's had a rough week. Like, everyone kind of hates her lately (except us — LYLAS, Taylor!), and it's kind of awkward.
Check out this country star's week in review, and feel free to bawl your eyes out after.
1. Taylor's Fan Mail Found In a Dumpster
Remember when you wrote that letter to Taylor and covered it in rhinestones and feelings? Well, she never read it. In fact, it's currently lying in a dumpster, just like your heart. That's right, "hundreds" of Tay-Tay fan-mail was discovered chilling out in a Nashville trash can. What does it all mean, sob! Why don't you love us, Taylor, double sob!
2. Jeopardy Shades Taylor (aka Alex Trebek's Reign of Terror Continues)
Taylor better watch her back, because Jeopardy's Alex Trebek is snatching wigs all over the place. Just when Taylor thought everyone had stopped mocking her for being a professional man-eater, the folks at Jeopardy offered up the following clue to their contestants: "2009's best female country vocal went to her for "White Horse" where (shocker!) she goes off on an ex-boyfriend." Burn.
3. Taylor's Face Deemed Magazine Death Sentence
According to Women's Wear Daily, if you put Taylor on the cover of a magazine, you should probably just quit your job. Taylor's face graces April's cover of Vanity Fair, and she sold a mere 329k copies. Compared to Lady Gaga's 600k cover or Adele's 410k cover, that's child's play. Somewhere, Harry Styles is laughing while simultaneously groping his fellow One Directioners.
4. Demi Lovato Says Taylor Uses Boys to Sell Songs
Cast your mind back to the days of yore when Demi Lovato and Taylor Swift were friends. In fact, find all your friendship fanfiction about their sisterhood and burn it. This friendship is dunzo. “A lot of celebrities don't open up to their fans, they just tell them what they want to hear," Demi said during a recent radio interview. "They don't really tell them things that can benefit their lives, they just, you know, maybe flaunt around a boyfriend and sell a couple of albums. That's not what my career is about." Annnd cue Taylor breaking down into a fit of tears / buying a cat.
5. Small Ginger Begs Us to Believe He Isn't Dating Taylor
There was a time when men would be thrilled if the tabloids speculated that they were dating Taylor Swift. But that time is tragically over. The tiny red headed hobbit known as Ed Sheeran really, really wants us to understand that he isn't dating Taylor. "I did go to her hotel, I did stay there 'til four and I did leave in the same clothes — but I was playing her my new record. It was strictly that kind of thing," he explained during a recent interview. Whatever helps you sleep at night, buddy.
The silver lining in all of this? At least Taylor doesn't perm her hair anymore! Progress!