We love nothing more than plucking delicately at our banjo while watching Nashville, but there's no denying that this fabulous show has more than it's fair share or WTF moments. In fact, Deacon Claybourne (Charles Esten) is basically one giant WTF personified in the saddest human ever. With that in mind, we've rounded up the biggest head scratchers from this week's episode for you to mull over!
1. Deacon Might Have Scurvy
Breaking news, everyone: It appears that Deacon hasn't eaten fruit in over a month. Probably because he's too busy subsisting on a diet of seltzer water and his own tears. Deacon's lack of nutrition seems to be a major cause of concern for his girlfriend, and let's not forget that she's a vet. Lady knows what's up. The good news? Deacon was seen holding an orange backstage in New York, so he probably won't go crazy and die. And speaking of unhealthy diets....
2. Sue Subsists on Sticks
Someone please call PETA, because Deacon's dog, Sue, is clearly being neglected. Not only is this poor creature kept in a crate while Deacon and Stacey (Susan Misner) make sweet love two feet away, we haven't seen him fed anything but sticks from the front yard. Hey, Deacon, remember how in your favorite movie, Old Yeller totally dies at the end? Stop trying to reenact that, you maniac.
3. Rayna's Children Are Weirdly Obsessed with Craft Services
We need to discuss Maddie’s (Lennon Stella) obsession with Craft Services. This poor, lost reject of the Sorting Hat brought up free food a total of three times in this week's episode, and we're thinking she's a) having an affair with a busboy, b) eating her emotions, or c) even more obsessed with food than we are. Hopefully the latter, because we're feeling really alone with these boxes of stuffed-crust pizza.
4. Avery Has Morphed Into a Street Urchin
Look, Avery (Jonathan Jackson), we know you're high on the musical fumes of Nashville, and we know the rolling hills of your soul patch are alive with the sound of music, but news flash: it's called a job. Shockingly, there are more ways to make money in this world than singing on a street corner in front of a window display of cowboy boots. You could sell your mullet to a for-profit version of Locks of Love, start a hemp necklace-making business, or even bottle your own patchouli scented perfume! Think outside the music box, buddy.
5. Stacey Watches Animal Planet In Her Free Time
Hey, guys — did you know Stacey is a vet? Because, in case you'd forgotten, she's obsessed with all creatures great and small. In fact, instead of whiling away her nights watching repeats of My Strange Addiction and Hoarders: Buried Alive, Stacey tunes into Animal Planet. Presumably so she can be one with her furry friends. Let's just hope Stacey's fetish for pals with paws doesn't creep into her sex life with Deacon, because there's only so much we can handle.