You know that face Deacon Claybourne (Charles Esten) makes when he's really confused? The one where his forehead turns into a sea of caterpillars? That was us during the entirety of this week's Nashville, a beautiful episode full of drama, partial mullets, evil goatees, and WTFs.
It's a well-established fact that Nashville is the greatest thing since The Sound of Music, but sometimes we end up jaw-dropping in WTF horror as Scarlett (Clare Bowen) wanders around in bloomers, and we've rounded up the 5 biggest head-scratchers from this week's episode!
1. Dante Is Obsessed With How Sober He Is
Look, Dante (if that's even your real name). We get it. You're sober. And you're a companion. YOU'RE A SOBER COMPANION. But there's no reason to interrupt sex with Juliette (Hayden Panettiere) to talk about all your sober companion woes and how everyone's mom hearts you. Shockingly, most ladies don't like their tantric love-making sessions served up with a platter of therapy. It's bad enough that poor Juliette has to come in contact with that goatee on a nightly basis — how much more can one girl take?
2. Gunnar's Man Jewelry Takes A Sinister Turn
We know that Gunnar's (Sam Palladio) all sad because his brother was murdered and the police were just like "no1curr," but he's suffering from a sartorial breakdown and the time has come for us to help. Not only has Gunnar taken to wearing daisy dukes that masquerade as boxer shorts, he wears a necklace on a regular basis, and this week we spotted a giant silver ring on his pointer finger. We know you're dating Scarlett, buddy, but that doesn't mean you have to start dressing like Avery (Jonathan Jackson).
3. Gunnar and Scarlett Take Selfies
This is how Gunnar and Scarlett's night of drunken debauchery went down: they hit up The Bluebird or whatever wearing pinafores (oh wait, that was just Scarlett), giggled innocently into each other's banjos, talked at length about how the hills are STILL alive with the sound of music, Scar and WIll sang a ditty on stage while using the word "ain't," and they all rounded off the evening by taking selfies with each other. Selfies which we assume they'll post on Instagram and filter with "Nashville." OMG, it's allllll coming together.
4. Rayna's Label Is A Sham
Did anyone else find it odd that Scarlett showed up to Rayna's (Connie Britton) "label" and was greeted by the entire staff of Edgehill Records? And that Rayna was nowhere to be found thanks to the fact that Lamar (Powers Boothe) was heart-attacking while wearing an unfortunate V-neck hospital gown? Last time we checked, Rayna wanted to manage her own label as part of new negotiations with Edgehill, so either the writers of Nashville have forgotten this plot point, or Rayna is too obsessed with her curling iron to remember the stipulations of her own contract.
5. Gunnar Flirts With Death
Look, Gunnar is going through a rough time. We get it. But the fact remains that he and Will spent their evening almost getting run over by trains. On purpose. Is this how people have fun in Nashville? We thought everyone's idea of a good time was watching Old Yeller and talking about sobriety, but who knows what the norm is in this crazy town. However, maybe next time Gunnar is in the mood for a life-changing experience he should do something less dangerous but equally earth-shattering. Like, watch The Notebook.