Credit: Greg Gayne/FOX © 2011 Fox Broadcasting Co. Photo: Winston Joins Jess’s Handbell Quartet on New Girl Season 1, Episode 7: "Bells"

Even if this was a list of the top 100 quotes from the New Girl episode “Bells” we’d still have trouble whittling it down to our absolute favorites. The FOX comedy is just that funny.

But we’ve accomplished the impossible, so prepare to pee your pants. Again.

10. Chilling indeed
Nick: This is just like a nightmare I had where you brought teenagers over. With bells.

9. Maybe in Jess’s world...
Jess, to Winston: Two things women love: alternative percussion players and role models.

8. Interesting theory
Jess: What happened to the refrigerator and the sofa? Did we get robbed by giants?

7. … and he lands in a pile of bells
Jess, on her Ensembell kids: If you tell them they aren’t good, that’s one more person telling them that. That’s a big deal to me, making sure no one else gives up on them. Even if they sound like a guy made of bells who’s falling down a staircase that’s also made of bells.

6. Sheesh, Nick
Schmidt: Why does your hair look so baby soft?
Nick: Fine, Schmidt. I ran out of shampoo and used your conditioner. We’re talking about conditioner, right?
Schmidt: You used it as shampoo?! It’s for moisture, Nick, not for cleaning. I can’t believe we’re friends. Give me it back. [Schmidt attempts to squeeze the conditioner out of Nick’s hair.]

5. Pet that dolphin, Winston
Winston, on proper handbell-playing technique: This is what I want: petting the dolphin.

4. Winston’s into revisionist history
Winston: “Eye of the Tiger” is the greatest song ever written. It’s so cool it helped end the Cold War.
Jess: That’s not even a little bit true.

3. It’d be funny if it weren’t true
Winston, on joining Ensembell: I think I could be into this.
Nick: And with that statement he never had sex again.

2. But can a cat butcher “Eye of the Tiger”?
Winston, to the other handbell players: It’s not that hard, people. It’s an instrument that a cat wears around its neck.

1. Nick should get his hearing checked, Schmidt should ditch the cardie
Nick: I can’t hear anything you say when you wear that sweater, Schmidt. You open your mouth, and I just hear, “Cardigan. I’m wearing a cardigan.”