Credit: Patrick McElhenney/FOX © 2011 Fox Broadcasting Co. Photo: Cece Stays at the Loft With Jess on New Girl Season 1, Episode 5: "Cece Crashes"

Even if this was a list of the top 100 quotes from the New Girl episode “Cece Crashes” we’d still have trouble whittling it down to our absolute favorites. The FOX comedy is just that funny.

But we’ve accomplished the impossible, so prepare to pee your pants. Again.

12. In Gavin’s defense, Gucci Mane also has a face tattoo. And Mike Tyson.
Cece: I really felt that Gavin was different. Didn’t you feel like he was different?
Jess: Yeah, he seemed like a really nice European deejay with a face tattoo.

11. We just want to come home and not see Schmidt in his ‘mono
Schmidt, to Winston: I worked 80 hours this week. I just want to come home, put on my ‘mono, and just hang loose, man.

10. When Cece’s drunk, she loves anything
Nick, to Cece, who’s just ripped his shirt open: It’s really not great under here. You have to love hair.

9. Schmidt heeds this warning for all of five minutes
Cece, to Schmidt: If you tell anyone that we held hands I have two people in my phone who will kill you. Literally.

8. Way to look on the bright side, J
Jess, to Nick, on Cece: I kinda like it when she calls me “bitch.” It makes me feel like Janis Joplin.

7. Terrible. Just terrible.
Jess, to the guys: I would normally never bring her here, but Cece’s really vulnerable right now, and when she’s drunk she has no boundaries. She’s really grabby, really physical. She’s really loose with her body. So I just want to apologize in advance for anything that she might do.

6. What’s funnier is that he’s a darn good herder
Winston, to Schmidt, who’s pushing Cece toward his bed: Are you sheep-doggin’ her?

5. What a coincidence — ours too!
Cece: Who did you tell me was your perfect man?
Jess: Walter Matthau in Grumpy Old Men, and I could be girl Jack Lemmon.

4. We doubt Cece sleeps with potatoes
Jess, to Cece: I’m not like you. I don’t jump in the potato sack with the first potato that I meet with diabetes.

3. Or a whole lotta nothing
Winston: Are you even wearing underwear? What’s between you and the chair?
Schmidt, in a kimono: Just a little bit of sunshine.

2. And we wish he’d stopped there...
Schmidt, on Cece: Did you see that cleavage? I just wanted to get my arm stuck down there. Like, 127 Hours-style.

1. Schmidt’s a true India-phile
Winston: Hey, Schmidt, why don’t you tell her about all the things you love about India.
Schmidt, to Cece: I love Slumdog. I love naan. I love pepper. I love Ben Kingsley, the stories of Rudyard Kipling. I have respect for cows, of course. I love the Taj Mahal, Deepak Chopra, anyone named Patel. I love monsoon. I love cobras in baskets.