Credit: Greg Gayne/FOX © 2011 Fox Broadcasting Co. Photo: Jess Welcomes Winston on New Girl Season 1, Episode 2: "Kryptonite"

Even if this was a list of New Girl Season 1, Episode 2’s top 100 quotes we’d still have trouble whittling it down to our absolute favorites. The FOX comedy is just that funny.

But we’ve accomplished the impossible, so prepare to pee your pants. Again.

15. Of course he has a lost and found
Schmidt: Jess, you know what? I’ll let you check my lost and found. It’s where I put all the stuff that girls leave behind in my room after we fornicate. I’ve got sizes 0 through 10.

14. We’d go for Dirty Dancing... again
Nick: OK, what are we watchin’?
Jess: I have some DVDs. Adventures in Babysitting, Prancer, Newsies, Curly Sue...
Winston: I’m going out.
Jess: Wait, where are you guys going? Those are heartwarming films.
[Schmidt returns]
Schmidt: Curly Sue, let’s do this.

13. It’s a “Jam-boree”!
Jess: I’m going to make you guys so much jam.
Nick: Please don’t.
Jess: We’re gonna have a jam sesh.
Nick: Absolutely not.

12. Schmidt jams out with his... er, never mind
Schmidt (on the Jam-boree t-shirt): Girl made a lot of jam, Spence. You know how time-consuming that can be? You need a jar funnel, a canner, some fresh fruit. Strawberries, raspberries, maybe a tayberry. Maybe a ripe—
Nick: No more fruit.

11. Jess breaks out the “L” word
Jess, to Spencer (on her new roommates): I just met them, but I love them.
The guys: Take it easy with the “love” stuff.

10. Hey, you could choke on a fig
Jess (on Winston): So Coach said that they used to play basketball together in college, and Winston went pro?
Schmidt: In Latvia, OK. He went pro in Latvia. It’s a big difference. The team logo is a fig. Just one single fig.

9. That’s a real zinger...
Jess (on the way to pick up her stuff): What am I going to say?
Nick: “Hey, Spencer. Give me my TV back.”
Jess: Hi, Spencer, give me my TV back, buddy.
Nick: OK, no buddy. How ‘bout “jerk” or “idiot”?
Jess: Mr. Crabs.
Winston: Mr. Crabs is an option.

8. Jess needs to keep a d-bag jar in her Volvo
Cece: Your hand is on my leg.
Schmidt: No, your hand is on my leg.
Cece: No, it really isn’t.
Schmidt: Classic he-said, she-said.

7. Boundaries, Jess!
Jess (to Winston): Do you have a tank top I could borrow? You look like you’re about my size.

6. And we’d like to forget the items in that box
Jess (to Schmidt, while looking through the lost and found): You have made love to a lot of forgetful women.

5. Him?
Jess (on Spencer, her ex): He has a power over me. It’s like he’s a wizard and I’m his maid. I think it’s his hair. He has this, like, really beautiful hair, and whenever I see it I get the [makes sound].

4. The jar is hungry for a dollar
Schmidt: See that, man? It’s my new thumb ring. How choice is that? Little skull. So nectar.
Nick: Did you just make up “nectar”?
Schmidt: No, it’s a volleyball term.

3. Do mermaids eat fish?
Jess: How’s, um...
Spencer: Rochelle.
Jess: Rochelle? Fancy name.
Spencer: She’s great.
Jess: Rochelle, like a mermaid. Hello, I’m Rochelle. I eat fish.

2. Yep, that’s the wizard
Nick (upon seeing Spencer): That’s the wizard? He’s wearing a scrunchy.
Winston: It looks like he juggles clubs on the beach.

1. TMI, Jess. T.M.I.
Jess (to the pawn shop owner): I thought pawn shops were about helping people, and frankly right now I feel taken advantage of. I just got out of a long relationship, and I don’t know what I’m doing emotionally, or — let’s be honest — sexually.