Let's talk about Ke$ha for a second. Because honestly? We miss her uninhibited, day-glo image.
Ke$ha graces the cover of SELF this month, and in case you missed it when they released the cover in mid-June, it completes a series of makeunder photos that convince us that not even a sparkle of the old Ke$ha is coming back. We want blue lipstick, messy hair, and a complete disregard for public decency, please!
People loved to hate her for a good, long while there. They hated her sing-talking (even though she can totally sing), her brush-my-teeth-with-bottle-of-Jack lifestyle, and her purposely-contrarian (and often purposely unflattering) fashion choices. Her seriously unfiltered, unhinged quotes brought her both fans and total haters. But you know what? She was fun and uninhibited. She took the very concept of celebrity, and she ran with it.
People grow and evolve, but what's with this total snooze-fest 180? Where's her finely-honed sense of the absurd?
See below for the completion of her shocking makeunder!
Previous indicators include her totally modest red carpet bodysuit, total makeunder and professional 'do (albeit, still mostly lacking pants) at the Billboard Music Awards, and a mysteriously tasteful nude selfie posted to Instagram. Also, her pretty much not saying anything for the past couple of months.
"Have fun and STILL stay fit!" boasts her cover blurb.
Parts of the interview are fun! She does discuss the condoms with her face on them: "Yeah. I think every girl should invest in condoms with her face on it — it's super awkward and hilarious. But people think because I hand out condoms, I must be some sort of hoe. That's not the case. I'm a little bit of a kissing slut, but usually I just make out and then run away."
Good on Ke$ha for recognizing that encouraging safe sex isn't slutty!
She also has a pretty sweet workout ensemble, which for some reason doesn't make an appearance on the cover — "David Bowie-inspired spandex pants with lightning bolts and a vintage Harley tee" — and insomnia tips that make us want to be her best friend. "When I can't sleep, I bedazzle my clothes and watch The Golden Girls," she says, "I have a bit of Blanche in me."
That said, though, her fitness tips are very standard: do multiple routines so you don't get bored, and don't get drunk every night.
Here are the Ke$ha fitness tips we want to see:
- How much "Eyeball Sex" does one have to do in an hour to burn off the calories in one cupcake?
- How many ounces is one serving of urine?
- What yoga positions are best when you're prepping for some ghost sex?
- If you work out your lip muscles, does it distort your "SUCK IT" tattoo?
- What brand of body paint is the most sweat-proof?
We're mostly joking; we like that Ke$ha is encouraging a healthy lifestyle. But we want some of that performance back! Do they make glow-in-the-dark, animal print running shorts? Maybe L.A. Gear shoes in adult sizes? That could be a good start.