Teen Beat, Tiger Beat, 16, Bop: these tween rags introduced us to all our first crushes. Every Tuesday, we remember the dudes that decorated our photo binders. This week: the bad boy rock star, Jared Leto.
Name: Jared Leto
We Called Him: Jared Leto! (Or Jordan Catalano)
How Old Is He Now? 41 (Born December 26, 1971)
Claims to Fame: Jordan Catalano in My So-Called Life, obviously. Breaking our hearts and brains while teaching us about how much heroin sucks in Requiem for a Dream. Getting his face beaten in by Edward Norton as Angel Face in Fight Club. Being a dreamy, pleasant surprise in a whole ton of other movies.
Why We Loved Him: Let’s be totally honest: we mostly crushed on him as Jordan Catalano.
So, Jordan Catalano, how do we love thee? Let us count the ways.
1. That lean. He has such a good lean. In the immortal words of Angela Chase: “I just like how he's always leaning. Against stuff. He leans great.”
2. Speaking of things Angela said: “He’s always closing his eyes, like it hurts to look at things.”
3. He plays guitar real good.
4. He plays hard-to-get, but he doesn’t really know that he does.
5. He’s both unpredictable and full of sagelike wisdom, like “but once you start making plans, then you have, like, obligations, and that basically blows.”
Jordan Catalano or not, Jared has a mean set of eyeballs. Like, the meanest, clearest, baby blue eyeballs. We can’t even handle this.
Although, as many have pointed out before us, our crush on Jordan Catalano/Jared Leto comes from a real bad place. As Chrissy Stockton said over at Thought Catalog, if you had a crush on Jordan in the ‘90s, “You have made some terrible, terrible decisions in your love life. Like, really terrible. Actually, are you okay right now? I’m here if you need someone to talk to.”
But oh lordy, there is nothing like making out with a bad boy who is terrible for your well-being. Sigh.
What’s He Up To Now: Jared Leto is basically a grown-up version of Jordan Catalano, like, if Jordan Catalano was somehow present in the performance art scene of She’s All That with Freddy Prinze Jr. and the hackey-sack, that's the whole life of today's Jared Leto.
Here’s how Jared is basically Jordan Catalano, all grown up:
1. Still going strong with his band, 30 Seconds to Mars, because duh.
2. He’s always saying some really Deep Thoughts, like, "Wouldn't it be great if we showed up [to the VMAs] with a zebra? It could be pretty amazing,” and “I'm not insane — I'm voluntarily indifferent to conventional rationality.”
3. He got a tattoo in his own kitchen.
4. He has scraggly hair, and we wouldn’t put it past Jordan to shave off his eyebrows like Jared, either.
JC similarities aside, Jared looks super-good in drag in the upcoming film Dallas Buyers Club about a ring of HIV positive patients battling with pharmaceutical companies. Also, in Candy Magazine. He's just a pretty, pretty man.