Another week, another educational episode of Here Comes Honey Boo Boo. At this point, Boo Boo and her long-suffering mini-pig communicate in a special language of squeals and grunts (aka The Language of Love), but we've done our best to record the highlights. Check out the top 15 quotes from episodes 3 and 4!
15. Mama explains her love for couponing: "It's even better than sex."
Please, nothing beats getting frisky with Sugar Bear.
14. Pumpkin gives Mama some rust remover: "Mama, it removes your neck crust!"
Was the close-up of Mama's neck really necessary, TLC?
13 & 12. Pumpkin remains confused by everything: "What's an apocalypse?"
Mom: "When the zombies attack."
Correction: Honey Boo Boo is the apocalypse.
11. Honey Boo Boo fears for her mini pig's life: "I hope mama don't eat Glitzy. She eats everything else."
Cut to Glitzy screaming in terror.
10. Chickadee busts a rhyme: "Gawd made dirt, and dirt don’t hurt."
Modern-day Shakespeare, guys.
9. Honey's trainer asks her a probing question: "Do you know who Elvis is?"
Honey: "Elvis is um, Santa Claus's helper."
Way to destroy our childhood memories, Boo Boo.
8. Honey worries about Glitzy Pig: "We put Glitzy on the table and she oooo’d herself."
The poor thing is literally pooping his pants in fear.
7. Mama teaches sex ed: "All that boy wants is to get in your little biscuit, get a little piece, and he’s running."
Annnnnd, Thanksgiving is ruined.
6. Mama explains teen pregnancy: "You do the do, you do the time."
5. Honey gets her spa on: "That facial felt so good. It felt like I had a baby's bottom on my cheeks."
No words. Next!
4. Mama rubs her chins: "I got some of my jiggle jaggle cleaned up."
Jiggle jaggle –– not to be confused with vagiggle jaggle.
3. Mom chats about her forklift foot: "One of my toes are deformed."
Please let that be the end of the story.
2. Sugar Bear explains his love for wildlife: "We got a connection to deer because we love to get roadkill, and we like to clean it, grind it up, process it, put it in the freezer, and on the weekends grill out and have a good time."
This explains so, so much.
1. Honey Boo Boo real talks: "Mama says that pretty comes in all different sizes. My size is cute."
Sigh, such a feminist.
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