Another week, another roundup of inspirational life lessons courtesy of our personal muse, Honey Boo Boo, and the mysterious creatures who birthed her. Life as you know it won't be the same after this LOLercoaster ride –– especially if you're a fan of oysters.
Y'all 'bout to be Boo Boo'd, you hear?
15. Mama describes Chickadee's labor pains: "She feel like she gotta pee and s— at the same time."
The more you know.
14. Honey Boo Boo bonds with an inflatable snow globe: "I wish I was in there. I wish it was me in there."
Dream big, girl.
13. Mama talks back to Sugar Bear: "What does it look like I'm doing? Getting my finger stuck in my p—?"
Good God, please don't.
12. Honey Boo Boo mourns Glitzy Pig: "I kind of want to go spend time by myself."
She has so many feelings to feel.
11. Pumpkin goes mud-bogging: "I gotta take a s—."
Thanks for the update.
10. Crazy Tony strings up Pumpkin: "The biggest catch of the day! We got a live hog here."
Somewhere, Glitzy Pig is cowering in terror.
9. Honey Boo Boo sasses the camera: "You better redneckognize!"
Punning at just five years old? She must be advanced.
8. Mom checks out Sugar Bear in his Santa suit: "You got to wear this to bed tonight. That is smexy."
Noooooooooooooo, our eyes!
7. Honey Boo Boo chills with her blow-up dolls: "All the Santa Clauses are really like my friends. This is my daddy, this is my mama, and this is my big brother."
So many questions and concerns.
6. Mama explains Alana's obsession with Elvis: "Alana thinks Elvis in an elf-ah."
Please, Santa has a zero tolerance policy against pelvic thrusts.
5. Sugar talks about his near-death experience: "When June sat on my lap, she didn’t ask for nothing, but I couldn’t feel my feet."
4. Honey Boo Boo gets her education on: "I'm talking in Spanish. Oh my door nuts!"
Loosely translated to, "oh mi puerta nueces!"
3. Honey Boo Boo brags about Glitzy: "The thing I love about Glitzy is that she loves me."
2. Sugar Bear tries his hand at a analogy: "That Santa Claus outfit smelled like a chain-smoking goat."
Dangit, Glitzy Pig –– get your farm friends under control.
1. Sugar Bear takes a shower: "I smell like a bowl of oyster stew so I gotta get clean."
Well, that ruins oysters.