The Real Housewives of New York Season 5 premiere was super-sized in both time and quotables. It was a difficult task, but we managed to whittle down this list to the very best quotes from the episode. Here are the best, funniest, silliest, and just plain weird bon mots from the Housewives.

LuAnn:
"Aviva is poised and graceful and charming. You would never know that she has a handicap."
Ah yes, because handicapped people can’t be charming or graceful.

Sonja, to her “intern”:
"These flowers don't have water! Oh my god, where do you girls go to college?"
Apparently a college that allows interns to work as pseudo-maids for socialites.

Sonja, on entertaining:
"The only thing worse than stale brioche at a party is stale guests."
RHOBH’s Lisa Vanderpump is totally jealous that she didn’t come up with the phrase.

Sonja:
"I don't stir the pot, I stir the drink."
Cheers to that!

Heather, on Ramona’s achievement:
"If I was on the cover of the Learning Annex, I'd be questioning the direction of my career, not bragging about it."
Welcome to the Housewives, Heather! The D-List is the A-List here.

Sonja on Aviva’s extra leg bag:
“I know that bag. Eric Clapton used to bring it to lunch and then we'd go play pool."
We don’t even think Sonja knows what she means by this.

Ramona, on business:
"I owned my own business at 29 [...] because my father wasn't a very nice guy."
We just got that Learning Annex-quality advice for free. Thanks Bravo!

Check out all of Wetpaint Entertainment’s RHONY coverage.

The Real Housewives of New York airs Mondays at 9 p.m. ET/PT on Bravo.  

Follow Maria Mercedes Lara on Twitter @maria_mercedes.

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