Even if the more ridiculous aspects of Girls were on display in Episode 2: “Vagina Panic,” the dialogue is still top-notch. Written by Lena Dunham, it seems like Jessa says all the things that we wish we’d said 30 seconds after we’ve said something else, and Hannah says what we say when we shouldn’t have said anything at all.
Below, our top 15 favorite quotes from the episode:
Hannah, after awkward sex with Adam: “So good. That was really good. I almost came.”
Sure you did, Hannah. Sure.
Shoshanna, to Jessa: “What you’re going through is really, really hard. I could not be more proud of you for getting this abortion.”
We can understand why Jessa smokes pot around Shoshanna.
Marnie, to Charlie: “You should just be able to go about your business, and not give a f**k. It’s what men do.”
It’s also what nice guy Charlie will never do.
Marnie, about Charlie: “He’s so busy like, respecting me, you know? That he looks right past me.”
Girls: Can’t live with respect, can’t live without it.
Hannah, on the book Listen Ladies: “I have to admit that I’ve hate-read that book.”
And we have to admit that we’ve hate-read a chapter in The Rules.
Jessa: “Who are the ladies?”
Shoshanna: “Obvi we’re the ladies.”
Jessa: “I’m not the ladies.”
Shoshanna: “We’re the ladies!”
Jessa: “That book is a horrible lady.”
We’re not listening, ladies.
Jessa: “I want to have children. I’m going to be amazing at it. I want to have children with many different men of many different races.”
What better place to start than Brooklyn?
Hannah: “I’m also responsible, decisive, and also all of the other qualities that you’re allowed to weirdly name in a job interview.”
She might have added, “Thinking without speaking” to that list.
Jessa, to Hannah: “I’m not a character for one of your novels, so stop staring at my face so hard.”
They’re mostly essays, okay?
Hannah: “I like a bar where the average patron would be described as crotchety.”
Sort of like wherever the Golden Girls went boozing.
Shoshanna: “A little bird told me that you are gonna have an STD test. Fun.”
Hannah: “Does that really sound fun to you?”
Shoshanna: “Well, just to get to have sex and then take a test about it.”
Yes, the most fun part of sex is “totes” the test afterwards.
Marnie: “There is seriously nothing flakier in this world than not showing up to your own abortion.”
Except for making an appointment for one when you’re not even pregnant.
Bar patron: “Do you have a payphone?”
Bartender: “Why would we have a payphone?”
For charm’s sake, maybe?
Jessa: “If I wanted to go on some dates, I would. But I don’t, because they’re for lesbians.”
We honestly don’t know why this is funny, but it is.
Hannah, to Marnie: “You threw a really good abortion.”
It was even catered by Dylan’s Candy Bar.
Catch the next episode of Girls on Sunday, April 29 at 10:30 p.m. ET/PT on HBO.
Molly Friedman is an editor at Wetpaint Entertainment. Follow her on Twitter @MollyFriedman.