Credit: Ron Jaffe/AMC Photo: Roger & Jane Sterling Mad Men Season 5

Mad Men’s sloppy drunk of a silver fox is back — and just as quotable as ever! Roger Sterling’s (John Slattery) only real job at Sterling Cooper Draper Pryce is being the wittiest cad in the room. For that, he gets top billling on the door and the sexy office Pete Campbell (Vincent Kartheiser) can only dream about after bashing his nose on his own cramped office walls. The two-hour premiere of Mad Men Season 5 was packed with great quotes but here are five of our favorite bon mots from Roger, who proudly takes the PC right out of SCDP.

1. Roger [after Don Draper receives a Steinway walking stick for his birthday]: “You could stick it up your ass and have a concert.”
But can it play “Zou Bisou Bisou”?

2. Roger [in his birthday speech to Don]: “The only thing worse than not getting what you want is someone else getting it.”
Which is Pete’s main grudge against you, man.

3. Roger: "Is it just me or is the lobby full of negroes?”
It’s full of future secretaries to sleep with, marry, promote or die at their desks!

4. Roger [after Megan sings to Don]: “Why don’t you sing like that?”
Jane Sterling [on Don]: “Why don’t you look like him?”
Remember when these two were as embarrassingly in love as Don and Megan? Ah, memories!

5. Roger [on Joan Harris showing up in the office with their love child]: “Well, well, well, there’s my baby. Now move that brat out of the way so I can see her.”
Pete and Peggy’s secret baby should someday marry Roger and Joan’s secret baby.

Check out all of Wetpaint Entertainment’s Mad Men coverage.

Watch the next episode of Mad Men on Sunday, April 1 at 10 p.m. ET/PT on AMC.