Credit: Jeffrey Campbell Photo: Amanda Woodward - Melrose Place

Viewers can count on Amanda Woodward (Heather Locklear) for two things: short skirts and biting one-liners. The Melrose Place vixen is known for ruthlessly terrorizing her assistant, backstabbing her friends, and strategically seducing all men within arm’s reach. We rounded up the top 10 quips by 4616’s resident mean girl:

10. "What can I say, when God was passing out business sense, Jane was in the back of the line getting her nails done." 
Slow and pretty wins the race?

9. "This is none of your business, waitress. Now go get us more food." 
Let them eat cake!

8. "When I look at you, all I see is a bitter woman incapable of love."
Mirror, mirror, on the wall…

7. "In what universe, for one second, would you think I was threatened by you?"
Amanda Woodward, the quotable narcissist.

6. "Is your memory that selective or are you just suffering from some grand delusion?" 
Why not both?

5. "What is she, some kind of demon seed?"
They just don’t make minions like they used to.

 

4. "I don't want to hear it! You are out to get me like everyone I know, and now it's payback time. I promised myself to make your life a living hell here at the office and I always keep my promises!"
We’d love to see what this girl’s Burn Book looks like.

3. "When I hired you to give this place a makeover, I didn't mean smear it with lipstick and turn it into a $5 hooker."
I thought we were going for “Anna Nicole Smith” chic.

2. "You can put on an expensive dress, get your red hair done, clip on some earrings. Bottom line? You're still a two-dollar hooker... you just have a new pimp."
Paging Richard Gere!

1. "Listen to me, you silly bitch."
And other effective lines learned in Mean Girl Management Training.

 

Now that you've traveled back in time to April 1999 with us, it's only fair to tell you that it's actually April 1, 2012. Happy April Fool's Day! For more fun TV nostalgia stuff, click here.