In a surprise twist, Miley Cyrus and Jennifer Lawrence have both been awarded the 2013 Nobel Peace Prize “for their significant contribution to human awesomeness.”

According to Norwegian Nobel Committee chairperson Thorbjørn Jagland, the deliberation took only one hour. “It was an obvious choice,” he explains.

To express her gratitude, newly minted Nobel laureate Miley tweeted, “OMFG, sooo amazing!! :) Thx to u all!” along with a photo of herself in a crop-top.

Jennifer’s publicist swooped in to release a statement on her client’s behalf. “I’m so honored and grateful for this prize and to be in the company of such a talented actress and singer as Miley Cyrus,” it reads.

But in a subsequent interview with E! News, Jennifer veered wildly off-script, gushing, “I’m so excited! I’m like a chihuahua. I’m so excited, I’m peeing!”

Feigning pomposity, she added, “The medal will look so good next to my Oscar.”

Jennifer’s new pal Rebel Wilson, who’s courting the Best Actress winner for Pitch Perfect 2, took to Twitter with her congratulations. “Nailed it, JLaw,” she wrote.

As for the prize money, Miley has said she’s planning on rescuing 30 more puppies and outfitting them all with dinosaur onesies. Jennifer, on an apparent bid to get someone — anyone — to hate her, is executive-producing a Hunger Games-esque reality series in collaboration with E!

“It’s an unusual move,” admits Thorbjørn. “But I still love her.”

HAPPY APRIL FOOLS' DAY! As you probably gleaned from the title, this article is 100% false. Miley and J.Law are Nobel laureates in our hearts, if not exactly in reality.