Credit: @AmandaBynes Photo: Amanda Bynes showed off this new partial buzz cut

Forget the Nobel Peace Prize. Forget the Academy Awards. And forget the Kennedy Center Honors. Hollywood's hottest newest pantheon of greatness is Amanda Bynes's select Twitter subscriptions. It's a big deal! After all, if she's not following you on Twitter, she hates you.

The embattled ex-child star only follows five people on Twitter. Upon learning this, we investigated their identities — and speculated about why homegirl is following these peeps.

Tanz Watson

Who he is:
A model and actor whose sole film credit thus far is a role in the Miley Cyrus movie LOL.
Why she's following him: He's the hottest man alive, or so she says.

Tommy Campos

Who he is: A seemingly normal guy who blogs about sports uniforms and logo redesigns. He has retweeted at least two of Amanda's kiss-off tweets amongst his 14,000+ posts.
Why she's following him: We honestly haven't the foggiest. Maybe he flattered her in one of his 14,000-plus tweets.

Bryce Scarlett

Who he is:
A hairstylist, by the looks of it. He has 32 tweets and the least informative personal website ever.
Why she's following him: To keep him close for the next time she wants to shave half of her head, or so we suspect.

Cara Delevingne

Who she is: A 20-year-old British model who has strutted the catwalk in duds by Burberry, H&M, Victoria's Secret, and more. She is rumored to have dated two British pop stars: Rita Ora and Harry Styles.
Why she's following her: Beauty inspiration? Fashion advice? A reminder of what it is to have a successful career?

Barack Obama

Who he is: Um, really? OK, well, he's the President of the United States — though most of the tweets come from his staff.
Why she's following him: To engage in political discourse on a wide range of hot-topic issues. Or, more accurately, to ask him to fire police officers who arrest her.