F—k U. Cheese’s
At an idyllic Chuck E. Cheese’s family entertainment center in the sleepy berg of Newington, Conn., a pleasant-sounding 30-year-old named Tawana Bourne took out — and loaded — a .380 semiautomatic handgun during an argument with another patron on February 4. Luckily no one was hurt, but honestly, couldn’t all of this have been resolved over a wedge of massively cheesy pizza?
In upcoming F—k U. Cheese’s, we’d cast Betty White. Even though she’s clearly a few decades above 30, we’d welcome any excuse for her to throw down.