It’s a hairy situation! On this week's Once Upon a Time Season 3, Episode 14 (“The Tower”), David is his own worst enemy, Zelena proves that it's not just her wit that's razor-sharp, and Rapunzel is due for a trip to the stylist.
a Baby's Bottom Rumple's Face
The episode begins with our heroes vowing to find the Wicked Witch. And then we find out where the woman of the hour actually is: She’s hanging out with her pal, Rumple, as he busies himself with his spinning wheel. It’s always good to have hobbies.
Then, Zelena does something that we all do to our friends: She shaves Rumple’s face and plays with his blood like it’s fingerpaint. Yep, she’s got issues. Zelena even uses Rumple’s own dagger to shave him with, all while talking about how obsessed her dad was with shaving.
Zelena takes Rumple’s blood with her to open the vault in his shop, where she pilfers a root that causes fearlessness. She then pays Mary Margaret and David a visit, slipping the root into their tea. Personally, we prefer honey in our tea rather than magical roots, but that’s just us.
David Is Like, "Does Anyone Else Think This Witch Is Extremely Handsome?"
David — having enjoyed his weird tea — heads out into the woods, where he spots someone in a hood, whom he assumes is the witch. What, you can’t lurk around in the woods wearing a hood these days without someone thinking you’re up to no good? At any rate, David stabs the witch with his sword — but it turns out to be his mirror image. That is some seriously trippy tea. (Uh, can we get some?)
David’s evil twin slices David’s sword and is about to strangle him when David — upon seeing Emma arrive — summons the courage to stab his twin his the sword shard. Suddenly, the twin and the sword disappear. Regina tells David that the sword is a symbol for his courage — and now, Zelena has it. Sadly, David didn’t spontaneously start singing about courage, as the Cowardly Lion would have done.
Emma and Hook then take the others to the farmhouse, where the lock on the cellar door has been opened. They go into the cellar and see the spinning wheel, meaning that Rumple has managed to escape. And speaking of that cellar, did it remind anyone else of the hatch in Lost? We kept expecting to find Desmond down there, making a smoothie.
We Don't Even Want to Know How Much Money Rapunzel Must Spend on Conditioner
In this week’s Fairytale Land flashback, David has a nightmare right before he learns that Snow is pregnant. And while it’s not exactly national news when a guy freaks out about a surprise bun in the oven, David is particularly concerned. So Robin Hood tells him about the root that eliminates fear.
David heads out into the spooky woods and is about to nab the root when he hears someone shouting for help. He then starts climbing the woman’s hair, which is what any gentleman would do, and we realize it’s Rapunzel, who has been locked in the tower by a witch. But when the witch arrives, it looks just like Rapunzel. It’s sort of like The Parent Trap, only not as cute.
David encourages Rapunzel to stop feeling guilty about her brother’s death, and so she cuts off her own hair, killing her evil twin. Plus, Rapunzel just saved herself $12 by not going to Supercuts, so there’s that. As Rapunzel reunites with her folks, David tells Snow that he’s ready to have this new baby. Let’s just hope it’s not the spawn of Satan of anything.
Three Biggest Mysteries of the Night:
— Where is Rumple now? And has he actually gone crazy? We're also wondering how Zelena got his dagger.
— It’s becoming more and more clear that something is definitely not right about Snow and David’s baby. So did Zelena have something to do with them conceiving? And what will happen when the bundle of joy arrives?
— Who the heck is Zelena’s father? We were wondering last week if it might be Rumple, but it’s instead a guy who’s apparently hairy and vain. Maybe it’s someone whom we’ll recognize from Oz?