Credit: ABC

You dirty rat! In tonight’s Once Upon a Time (Season 2, Episode 11: “The Outsider”), Belle is no longer feeling like her usual self, Phillip meets a few sexy ladies, and Hook and the mystery driver need to exchange insurance information.
 
The Shawl That Causes a Brawl
 
Gold drags Smee to the Storybrooke border, where he asks Smee where he got his red knit cap. Smee answers that his mom made it, which is yet another difference between OUAT and the Golden Globes (which aired at the same time as tonight episode): No one at the Golden Globes would admit their mother made their ensemble — except for maybe Sienna Miller, who needs some sort of explanation for her questionable red carpet look. But I digress.

Gold then gives Smee a friendly shove across the town border, only to realize Smee has retained his memories. Gold asks him, “Who are you?” and he answers, “I’m Smee.” And then Gold asks him, “Who am I?” and he answers, “You’re an asshole.” And Gold is like, “Yep, his story checks out.”

The Storybrooke residents hold a funeral for Archie or rather, for the poor bastard who got transformed into Archie last week. Meanwhile, the real Archie probably wishes he were dead, as he’s locked up on Hook’s boat and being interrogated for answers, Zero Dark Thirty-style. In fact, we’re kinda surprised Hook didn’t resort to waterboarding.

Gold tells Belle he can pour a potion on the object a person holds most dear, and the object will magically enable the person to cross the border with his or her memories intact, much like Smee. Mr. Gold intends to pour the potion on Baelfire’s shawl, which happens to be where most people keep their shawls — in his safe.  

Belle heads over to the library, where she sees Hook, who doesn’t strike us as an avid reader. Lo and behold, Hook isn’t there to check out a book. Instead, he wants to hurt Belle. Luckily, she manages to push a cart of books in his direction see, books are good for something! and uses the elevator as a makeshift panic room until Gold can come to her rescue.

I Smell a Rat

Gold and Belle get back to his shop, which has been ransacked, as Hook and Smee now have the shawl. Belle asks why Hook has such anger issues, and Gold admits to taking Hook’s hand after Hook stole Milah. But when Belle asks how Milah died, Gold is like, “She died of, uh, natural causes. Let’s change the subject, shall we?”

Rumple goes off and finds Smee, who admits to having given the shawl to Hook. Wrong answer! Upon hearing this, Gold turns Smee into a rat. Then again, considering how cute the mice are in Cinderella, we’re not sure being a rodent in Storybrooke is really much of a punishment.

Meanwhile, Belle who’s now packing heat, thanks to Gold’s gun heads to the dock to find Hook’s ship. It’s nowhere to be found, but thanks to some lazy seagulls, she realizes that it’s actually invisible. She boards the invisible vessel and is reunited with Archie. And then she’s like, “By the way, you owe me for the flowers I bought for your funeral.”

Belle searches the ship for Gold’s shawl, but she doesn’t get very far until Hook pops in and grabs her gun. Hook finally reveals how Milah died; Rumple pulled out her heart and crushed it. That Rumple is always so chivalrous.

Hook Takes a Shot

Belle escapes from Hook and heads for the deck, where Hook finds her again. Tenacious fellow, isn’t he? Gold then joins the party, and soon, he’s beating Hook within an inch of his life with his cane like he’s a human pinata. Belle pleads with Gold to stop whaling on the dude, and he agrees, as long as Hook sails off into the sunset for good.

Meanwhile, Henry is having a tough time getting over Archie’s absence. Emma tries to help by giving him Pongo, but this just makes Snow realize how small their little abode is. Later, when Henry is making plans to turn their room into the anti-Regina room, a very much alive Archie waltzes in and informs the group Cora framed Regina for his death. Translation: Regina isn’t gonna be happy with how she’s been treated. Be afraid.

Back by the Storybrooke border, Belle joins Gold as he pours the potion on his shawl and successfully leaves town. This becomes a totally sweet Rumbelle moment until it’s ruined when Hook shoots Belle in the back! Shooting a lady in the back: That’s not cowardly at all, right? Belle then falls over the boundary line, losing her identity. Hang on a sec. We’re gonna run out and stock up on Kleenex, since we plan to cry for, oh, about the next three days straight.

And then all of sudden, a car plows into town out of nowhere and crashes into Hook. Karma’s a bitch, eh, Hook? So we’re not sure who this stranger is, but he appears to be about as good a driver as Emma is.

Phillip Looks Different In the First Half of the Episode Did He Get a Haircut?

In a Fairytale Land flashback, Belle uses a book to track down the demonic Yaoguai and put the village’s men to shame. This impresses Belle’s new friend Mulan, who’s also hunting it. The men return, so Mulan and Belle team up to kick the crap out of them, although Mulan injures herself in the process. Now, Belle is responsible for taking down the Yaoguai. No pressure.

Belle tracks it down only to realize the Yaoguai just wants a friend. It writes “Save me” in the dirt, so Belle tosses some of Grumpy’s fairy dust onto him to reveal... the Yaoguai is actually the smokin’ hot Prince Phillip! Some girls have all the luck.

Belle brings Phillip back to Mulan so he can heal her leg and steal her heart, as we’ll later learn. Belle heads back into the village where she’s snatched up by Regina and imprisoned in the tower. But we’re sure Belle will only be in that tower for a night or two before Regina comes to her senses, right? Right?

Three Biggest Mysteries of the Night:

- This episode saved some huge shockers for the end! We’re now wondering whether Belle will ever get her memories back, and all we can say is that true love’s kiss better work! Also, who is the Lindsay Lohan-esque driver who crashed into Hook, and what is he doing in Storybrooke?

- We should have known Gold wouldn’t be able to go find Baelfire quite so easily. We’re obviously dying to find out who Baelfire is, especially because we’re wondering if he’s Neal Cassady. But it’s safe to assume Gold will stay close to home until Belle is back to normal.

- Emma and Henry assume Regina will be none-too-pleased to have been blamed for Archie’s death and we’re inclined to agree. But will Regina in fact team up with Cora, and if so, what kind of mayhem will they have in mind? Suffice to say, we’re thinking a bullet to the back will pale in comparison to whatever this diabolical mother-daughter team might have up their sleeves.

 

Catch the next episode of Once Upon a Time on Sunday, January 20, 2013 at 8 p.m. ET/PT on ABC.