Bachelorette 2014 Power Rankings Episode 3 & 4: Josh Murray Wins Again
Apparently, the powers that be at ABC don't think we spend enough of our time watching The Bachelorette, because they forced a double episode on us this week — which means we spent both Sunday and Monday making proverbial love to our television screens. Andi Dorfman's season is shaping up to be one of the best yet, but this week's twofer made it clear that she has a daunting task before her.
Andi needs some guidance deciding which of her remaining boyfs she should let into her love nest, and guys? We're here to help, sigh. We've ranked Andi's Top 5 contestants based on their chance of winning her heart, and your job is to weigh in below and let us know what you think. Do you agree with our power players?
Name: Josh Murray
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Pros:Josh Murray didn't even have a one-on-one date this week, yet he managed to claw his way to the top of this list, one tartan scarf at a time. At this point, it's safe to assume that he's hypnotized Andi with the power of his enormous eyebrows, because she's totally obsessed with him. We know, we don't get it either.
Cons: Uhm, maybe his fashion? Or maybe the fact that he grunts while he kisses? Or maybe the fact that he uses expressions like "I'm all fired up" when he's angry? Honestly, it's hard to decide.
Pros: Andi's really into the fact that Marcus Grodd manned up and managed not to kill himself while rappelling off that giant building. And she was pretty impressed by the fact that he put his own fears aside in order to have her back. Guess she didn't mind the fact that he was wearing high-water pants during their entire date. However, we did.
Cons: Marcus seems like a sweet guy, but we have some concerns. Actually, we only have one concern: his receding hairline. We know he can’t help it, but perhaps he should sneak into Andi's house while she's sleeping, cut off some of her hair, and make himself a toupée. That would definitely earn him a rose! And possibly a restraining order.
Name: Dylan Petitt
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Pros: EVERYTHING ABOUT DYLAN PETITT IS PERFECT, and we don't want to hear one word to the contrary. The only reason he isn't higher up on this list is because we fear Andi's affection for him is partially pity-based thanks to his tragic past.
Cons: Maybe the fact that Dylan's hair is completely unwashed and ‘90s could be considered a con (BY A FOOL), if it weren't part of his overall perfection. And yeah, maybe his extremely pale denim pants and giant shirt could be considered a con, if we weren't pretty sure they were spun from the hair of angels. And sure, maybe the fact that he has so much baggage could be a con, if you're a cruel unfeeling monster.
Pros: Andi seems pretty at ease around Nick Viall, and their date at the courthouse — while slightly threatening (we get it, Chris Harrison, you have the power to jail people at whim) — was kind of adorable. Plus, Nick is all about sharing his feels with Andi, and he's definitely trying to make this crazy love journey as real and authentic as possible. LOL, bless his heart, poor kid.
Cons: Nick won't stop talking about how he's a "skeptic" and it's like, did you not see how Eric Hill was treated for going against the system? Nick better check himself before he wrecks himself and ends up in some locked cell underneath Bachelor Mansion.
Pros: Look, JJ O’Brien s a sweet guy. He wears shirts that say "JJ," mmkay? What's not to love! Unfortunately, dude was dealt a rough blow with that geriatric-themed date, which was the least romantic thing we've ever seen on The Bachelorette. He was forced to kiss Andi while wearing a fake mustache and liver spots, that's all we're saying. The good news is that Andi had a great time on the date, and doesn't seem to fault JJ for continually destroying our eyeballs with his paisley pants.
Cons: We fear JJ might be getting friend-zoned by Andi. They didn't have too much chemistry on their date (probably because they were too busy looking diseased), and we're not sure we see their relationship developing. Then again, JJ can always take a leaf out of Josh's book and start grunting more. Apparently Andi is super into that!