Bachelorette 2014 Premiere Hot Mess of the Week: Chris Bukowski
We need to talk to you about Chris Bukowski, because we're so worried. Last time we checked, Chris owned and operated a successful sports bar in the Washington D.C. area, and seemed to be livin' the Polish equivalent of la vida loca. But guys? It appears as though Chris has a fever, and the only prescription is trespassing on Bachelor Mansion grounds in the hopes of sowing his wild oats in Andi Dorfman's pastures.
In the event that you suffered from an attack of second-hand embarrassment during Chris' appearance on The Bachelorette and were forced to mute the television, here's what happened. Basically, Chris showed up during cocktail hour after seven days (we repeat, seven days) of waiting for Andi, and was promptly confined to Craft Services (LOL, as if anyone eats on this show). He then spent some time talking to an extremely despondent security guard about, like, roses and whatnot (as if you'd make small talk about anything else on this show), and begged Chris Harrison for a face-to-face with Andi. In other words, Chris thought Andi would be turned on by the fact that he was actively stalking her, bless his confused little heart.
So, how did Andi react to Chris' misguided attempt at romance? She awkwardly pretended to know who he was even though her face was definitely like "crickets," then pretended to consider inviting him to join the fun, and then look supremely relieved when Chris Harrison was on board with her decision to avoid him completely.
Whatever, Andi — Chris might be this week's Hot Mess thanks to a fleeting moment of mental insanity, but we'd marry him in a heartbeat. Unfortunately, he seems to already have a leading lady in his life named Miley. She's an extremely fluffy dog who Chris spends a lot of time posting photos of to Facebook, but if we've learned one thing from The Bachelor franchise it's that love is love. Chris + Miley 4EVA, feel the rain on your skin / paws, you crazy kids!