Every week we'll rank the players in Pretty Little Liars based on how they fare in each episode to see who reigns supreme and who's totally rotten. This week, the homecoming dance played host to some glam looks, devastating slights, and shocking secrets. Who came out on top and who's at the bottom of the heap? Let the fun begin!
Ranking: 13 (out of 13)
Last week: -
Pretty: With her hair styled in soft, feminine waves, Maya looked positively luscious at Homecoming in a canary yellow dress. Has ever a girl been so deserving of a photo booth makeout sesh?
Ugly: Poor Maya! She gets jerked around like a marionette while Emily vacillates from one gender to the other. Still, Maya agrees to go to the dance at Hanna's behest, despite her disdain for Lady Gaga (an unforgivable offense in our book), only to see Emily show on the arm of the school's creepiest dude. We're hoping that Emily's chem-lab brawl with Toby will have him permanently benched, but for now, all that's left for Maya to do is smoke another bleezy and bus some dishes.
Last week: 4
Pretty: Sean's skit with Amber at Real Love Waits will probably serve him well as he continues to fend off advances from the ladies of Rosewood Day. We think he's holding out for Mr. Fitz.
Ugly: The men (and bisexual paramours — we're talking about you, Maya) of Pretty Little Liars couldn't catch a break this week, as their dates had more important things to worry about than their boyfriends' egos. Sean was no exception, and he got ditched at the dance while Hanna went on a super secret stealth mission with Lucas. We doubt being crowned Homecoming King was much consolation, especially considering he would have looked prettier in the tiara.
Last week: -
Pretty: The temperature rose about 10 degrees when Alex visited Spencer at school — we're talking palpable sexual tension between those two!
Ugly: Alex insisted on paying for her ticket (that's a lot of folded towels), but Spence was distracted all night, which left Alex vulnerable to Melissa's scheme to sabotage their relationship. Once she turned on that big hair and wily charm, he was putty in her hands.
Last week: 9
Pretty: Considering that she ended up the victim of a violent chase sequence, Emily should be at the very bottom of our list. But we can't ignore the fact that she's got both the sultry new girl and the troubled bad boy of Rosewood fighting for her charms.
Ugly: Emily got called out by Maya for her shameless flip-flopping, then was lured up to the chem lab for a confessional with Toby, where a beaker-shattering, bloody fight ensued. Admittedly, Em put up a good fight, but still, being reduced to the skimpily dressed bimbo who has to run from an attacker in chintzy high heels can't be good for her self-image.
Last week: 10
Pretty: Ezra won major points this week for his genuinely touching monologue about the limitations of his relationship with Aria. If nothing else, at least Ezra is the foxiest cradle-robber we've ever seen. And his haircut? Just darling.
Ugly: The more that he points out his age difference with Aria, the more glaring it becomes that their relationship isn't viable. Fitzy, why don't you borrow a trick or two from the Hanna Marin School of Decision-Making? Act selfishly and irrationally first, and then deal with the ensuing consequences. In the meantime, please take your shirt off.
Last week: 3
Pretty: Spencer's old-Hollywood-inspired dress was easily our favorite look of the night, and with her charcoal-clad man-candy by her side, there's no denying that Spalex made a gorgeous pair.
Ugly: After riding at the top of our lists for the last several weeks, Spencer's stock plummeted after a rough night of ignoring her date, ominous fortunes, and getting played like a fiddle by her bitchy sister, Melissa. Now that the secret is out about the plagiarism fiasco, it's only a matter of time before Spence is submitting her applications to (the horror!) a state school.
Last week: 6
Pretty: Toby's admission that his "scene" involves hanging out alone, listening to the Smiths? Considering that the extracurriculars of Rosewood's other eligible bachelors seem to be attempting rape in locker rooms and rehearsing skits at the abstinence club, we don't blame Emily for wanting to please, please, please let him get what he wants.
Ugly: The reception to Tobily's grand debut is tepid at best, and things hit a spectacular nadir when his date shoves him into a shelf full of glass beakers, then runs screaming for the hills. We take it pretty hard when the object of our affections doesn't return our calls; it can't feel good to end the night covered in blood, chasing your date down the hallway of your high school.
Last week: 11
Pretty: Aria manages to successfully smooth things over with Ezra while still keeping the secret of their relationship from her friends. Does anyone else find this an utterly remarkable secret to keep? When we were teenagers, we sent out a text blast if our hot teacher even looked at us with anything besides disdain (Mr. Watson, are you reading this?) — which, come to think of it, may be why he always resisted our advances.
Ugly: Given that secrecy seems so important to Ezria, it defies logic to have a loud conversation about the state of their union in the hallway of Rosewood Day. C'mon, kids, let's save that talk for clandestine midnight apartment visits.
Last week: 3
Pretty: Out of our four favorite Liars, Hanna came out on top this week due to some seriously sneaky recon involving Toby's psych file. Also noteworthy? Her smoldering makeup look, the total comic genius of her banter with Lucas, and her figurative muzzling of Mona's snarky one-liners. That's brains, beauty, humor, and heart — even with a klepto edge, it's totally obvi that Hanna's way too good for Sean.
Ugly: Mona's threat to cut Hanna's ripcord didn't sit well with us. Hanna needs to face facts: either she rules with an iron fist, or it's only a matter of time until she's dethroned. Speaking of crowns, it broke our heart to see Hanna miss having her name called as Homecoming Queen, especially after all of the desperate campaigning she did in the eleventh hour. (Would she really would have stopped to talk to Maya in the hallway if Maya wasn't a constituent?)
Last week: 5
Pretty: Though overall, this wasn't Jenna's finest hour, it was thrillingly creepy to see her reflected in the house of mirrors after the big reveal of Toby's secret. For a blind girl, she certainly has an uncanny knack for being in the right place at the right time. (Well, except for the fire in which she was blinded — pretty much as wrong place/wrong time as anyone can get.)
Ugly: Seeing her sitting alone with her sunglasses on at homecoming was legitimately heartbreaking. Now that we know the true nature of her relationship with Toby, we feel more pity for her than fear. And as Mona knows all too well, fear = power.
Last week: -
Pretty: As previously noted, Mona took honors with some ferocious quips this week, ruthlessly trashing everyone in sight: "It looks like her hair got into a fight with her face and they both lost." Hanna's sidekick emerges from her shell to hurl zingers with the unapologetic cruelty that only a teenage girl can muster. Oh, how we miss high school.
Ugly: Don't forget, Mona: it's lonely at the top.
Last week: -
Pretty: After a few weeks away, Melissa came back in rare form to crown Rosewood Day's new Homecoming couple. While she was there, of course, she couldn't resist crushing Spencer's spirit — both academically and personally — by outing Spencer's plagiarism and feeding lies to Alex. Given the potent bitterness that radiated from Melissa at the dance, we're guessing that she and Wren haven't had a happy reunion.
Ugly: We're not sure what the desired effect was of that fried-looking, Stepfordian bob, but we're guessing that '60s hausfrau wasn't it. Just like Aria's KIN, we think Melissa's hair must be full of secrets.
Last week: -
Pretty: We're totally obsessed with this kid, from his bitingly self-deprecating humor to his obsession with Hoarders and Star Wars. Most of all, we love his delineation of Hanna as a mix of "Barbie and Shakira." Not only does it flatter Hanna tremendously, but it reveals his tragic lack of pop-cultural timeliness: how long has it been since Shakira was relevant? So what if the inevitable Seth-and-Summer dynamic is threadbare? Rosewood ain't the O.C., bitch!
Ugly: Despite the fact that he's actually cuter than Sean (whose square-jawed, all-American good looks are great in an Abercrombie ad, but not so much in a boyfriend), we get the feeling that the poor lil' guy is going to have a hard time shaking those nicknames. Hermie and Shim? It just makes us love him even more!