Happy homecoming! In Season 5, Episode 2 (“Whirly Girl”) of Pretty Little Liars, the girls are back in Rosewood, and they’re celebrating by getting wrapped up into yet another one of Ali’s lies. Just like old times, right guys? Luckily, the rest of the town is distracted from picking apart their plot-holes by Mona’s kidnap-whistles and Mrs. DiLaurentis’ dead body. Never a dull moment in Rosewood!
Wherein Ali Learns You Can’t Go Home Again. Ali’s back, baby! But it’s not quite the homecoming the former mean girl may have dreamt about during her time on the run. After receiving an “A”-like text from someone (spoiler: it was Mona) threatening “The truth will bury you in a New York minute,” Ali tells Officer Holbrook she had been kidnapped and held captive for two years. Things don’t go much better for Ali at home, where her dad is monitoring her every move and her brother Jason is acting super sketchy around her. You’d think he’d be happy to see his sister! Instead, all he can muster up is apathetic annoyance. Jason does, however, shed a tear over the discovery of his mother’s body in the backyard. Here’s a thought: Maybe they should just check the DiLaurentis yard for bodies every couple of months?
Wherein Aria Battles the Fiddler on the Roof. Meanwhile, in Arialand, the littlest Liar is freaking out about the murder she just committed. Sure, she killed Shana in self-defense, but tell that to the tell-tale violin player she keeps hearing who may or may not be in her head. Emily tries to comfort her friend by reminiscing about the time she killed Nate in self-defense, but this doesn’t make Aria feel any better. It doesn’t help that Mike and Mona seem to be rekindling their puppy love. But, hey, Aria does get a free whistle out of the deal. Maybe she can use it to tweet out some accompaniment for that fiddle?
Wherein Hanna Learns That All Cheese Melts. Hanna dons her detective hat yet again in this week’s episode. Amongst her discoveries: all cheese melts, and more importantly, Mrs. DiLaurentis wrote an unsent email to someone shortly before her death. The recipient is unknown, but we know the content: “I can’t protect you anymore.” Is this what got Mrs. DiLaurentis killed? Detective Hanna is on the case! But she’ll need to change her underwear first (long story).
Wherein Emily Walks Pepe the Dog. Emily’s role in this episode was more or less relegated to walking Ali’s dog, and being a support for her first (and maybe not-so-former) love. When the other Liars are understandably miffed at Ali for not telling the police the truth, Em defends Ali before she even knows about the text from Mona. She also accepts any and all dinner offers from the DiLaurentis family and convinces Hanna to follow Jason to an apartment where he drops something off for a mysterious “friend.” Is it just us or does this girl still have it bad for Ali?
Wherein Spencer Choose Sexy Time With Toby. Because, really, who wouldn’t? The Tobester is back from his trip to London, where we learn he did not see Melissa, but ran into Wren. Spencer is understandably distracted from asking any follow-up questions concerning Toby’s flimsy excuse for a Transatlantic trip by said boyfriend’s washboard abs, pretty eyes, et al. She even ignores a phone call from Team Liars for some post-coital cuddling. Frankly, this is a much-deserved break from worrying for the brainiac. Spence should consider making her next addiction Toby. Though, going by the fact that she doesn’t tell him the truth about Ali’s disappearance, we’re guessing the scenes in this Spoby honeymoon reunion period are numbered.
— When Ali visited her “own” grave, she told Mona: “The girl they made that for, she really is gone.” She goes on to imply that she has changed from the mean girl she used to be, but we’re not so sure that’s what she meant. That line can also be read to imply that Alison DiLaurentis really is dead and that the “Ali” who returned is someone else entirely. Twin theories forever!
— Jason’s middle-of-the-night detailing was particularly suspicious. Did he kill his mother? Or maybe he’s covering for someone else — Ali’s twin sister, perhaps? Was that the “friend” whose apartment he went to in Philly? Despite all of the shady behavior, we don’t think Jason is a bad guy, even when he tries to convince us by wearing his Beanie of Villainy.
— Mike took Aria’s iPod for a social studies project. Did he put the violin music on it? Or did Mona manage to lift it from Mike when he wasn’t paying attention? We appreciate her honesty about the text, but maybe she could make us a list of all the ploys she’s behind for each episode? Thanks, Mon!
— Could Pepe be “A”? And, if so, why would he dig up Mrs. D.’s body after going to all that work? What is your game, puppy?!
Other Things We Need to Discuss:
— We thought Holbrook was a decent police officer. He can’t really be buying Ali’s story, even with Aria’s shack-in-the-woods embellishments. Where’s Officer Tanner? We need a bad cop.
— Is Spencer finally winning the Favorite Hasting Spawn Contest, and all because Melissa is demonstrating some ‘tude? Has Veronica met Melissa before? She’s composed almost entirely of attitude. Veronica must feel really bad about thinking Spencer committed murder for two years.
— Despite Mona’s deliciously evil ways, we can’t help but root for her and Mike to work things out. They’re just so cute together!
— Best line of the episode? Our vote is for Ali’s quip to Spencer: “Wow. You really have given it some thought.” Alison, you have no idea how much thought Spencer has given the “A” game.
— Mona REALLY hates Ali.
— Why was no one comforting Ali as they wheeled her mother’s body away?! Her “disguise” wasn’t that good. Ali received far too few hugs in this episode for someone who just returned from the dead.
Catch the next episode of Pretty Little Liars on Tuesday, June 24 at 8 p.m. ET on ABC Family.