Credit: Eric McCandless/ABC Television Group © 2011 Disney Photo: Emily Looks at an X-ray in the Hospital on Pretty Little Liars August 2, 2011

The Pretty Little Liars scheme their way through more than the usual amount of near-death experiences and sexual tension during Season 2, Episode 8, “Save the Date.” Candy-striped nurses uniforms, forbidden love, and sexy English accents are just the tip of this hot mess! If you missed out on the most jaw-dropping episode of PLL yet, catch up with Wetpaint Entertainment’s recap!

It’s late-night in Rosewood, and the little liars are doing what they do best: Hanging out in a car for no reason. As the girls gab about Officer Garrett’s suspicious behavior, the man himself rolls up in his Chevy SS and waltzes into Jenna (Tammin Sursok)’s house. What a coinkidink! Naturally, the fab four follow Garrett and stare in horror as he hooks up with Jenna next to an open window. After they “make love” (barf), Officer Garrett warns Jenna that the little liars are suspicious about Ian’s death. Better start working on your alibi, lovebirds.

Spencer (Troian Bellisario)’s convinced that her sister’s broken field hockey stick had a part in Alison (Sasha Pieterse)’s murder, but it seems unlikely that she’ll be able to get any investigating done when a cute English tart shows up at her door and flirts her day away. Wren (Julian Morris) pays a visit to the Hastings’ home and tells Spencer about his internship at Rosewood Hospital and his plans to win her back over a nice warm cup of tea. Aww, how can Spencer resist this boy’s charm (and access to the town morgue)?

Over at Hollis, Ezra (Ian Harding) senses a forbidden love connection between his teenage dreamboat and her hunky crush, so he stops by Aria (Lucy Hale)’s pottery class to ask if she has feelings for Jason (Drew Van Acker). It’s time to exchange the sweater vests for an eight-pack, Mr. Fitz, because Aria has a type, and it ain’t you. Either that or she’s just acting shifty because she’s worried about Mike, who spends this entire episode ridden with angst and fighting with his parents. Sigh — no one understands this boy but us.

Meanwhile, Hanna (Ashley Benson)’s life is almost as complicated as Aria’s — minus the affair with her teacher. She’s finally getting used to her dad’s daily walk of shame from her mom’s bedroom, but she starts stressing at the prospect of losing him all over again when his “save the date” comes in the mail. Looks like Hanna’s right to be worried, because Daddy Marin leaves his family for good before the episode is dunzo!

To make matters worse, Hanna’s dad may not be the only man in her life who’s about to ditch her! An undercover cop shows up in a sweet-ass ride to follow Caleb (Tyler Blackburn), so Hanna dresses up in her best spy outfit (big sunnies and classy head scarf, of course) and whisks her man away to the Hastings’ love shack in the middle of the woods. They build a roaring fire, chat about Caleb’s secretive past and then hook up on a dusty couch. Bow chicka wow wow!

So what’s worse than worrying that your boyfriend might wake up with a decapitated horse head next to him courtesy of the Pennsylvania car mob? Welcome to Emily (Shay Mitchell)’s world: A terrifying place full of Tresemme hair products and the stench of fear. Even though Em’s parents are stuffing their faces with burgers and patriotism in the Lone Star State, she feels pressure to come clean about her fake acceptance into Danby. Em’s upcoming swim might be her only chance to impress the Danby scout with her amazing bikini body backstroke skills, but a nagging pain in her side just might get her disqualified. Or murdered.

Emily’s day goes from bad to way bad when she gets a surprise visit from her dad right before her swim meet, which causes her to collapse on the floor next to her locker in a fit of pain! Next thing we know, Em’s in the hospital being tended to by a fleet of good looking strippers. Oh wait, no — that’s just the little liars dressed up like “nurses.” Here’s what goes down:

Emily finds out she’s been diagnosed with an ulcer, and while she gets some much needed R&R, Wren pops in to tell her that she’s tested positive for human growth hormones (better known as steroids). Looks like “A” can add “chemical genius” right above “professional stalker” on her resume — that’s right, the bitch is trying to kill our favorite little liar! Don’t believe us? “A” sends Em a tray of food with a big fat bottle of her pain relief cream as the main course. Hospital food never tasted so sinister.

At least Em’s dad takes a load off when he tells her that she doesn’t need to worry about going to Danby. Phew, now she can stay in Rosewood even longer!

While Emily’s mourning the loss of her swimming career, Aria and Spencer go undercover as candy-striped hospital volunteers and troll the morgue looking for clues. They steal Alison’s autopsy report and find out that (drumroll, please) she was hit on the head from behind by a weapon with a curved, blunt edge (field hockey stick alert!), and that she was buried alive!

The episode ends more dramatically than ever: Ezra visits Aria at the hospital, only to have her reject him and Spencer loses a page of Alison’s file. Oh, and a dead body jumps up from an examining table in the morgue. What can we say, PLLers? Ish just got real.