Things got ridiculously crazy this week on Pretty Little Liars — and that's saying something! Aria (Lucy Hale) and Jason (Drew Van Acker) bond, the therapist's office gets trashed, and don't even get us started about that stunning corpse at the end of the episode! In other words, you know it's a wild week when Hanna talking to empty furniture is the least interesting thing that happens.
The ep starts with Spencer (Troian Bellisario) returning to the super-shady pawn shop from last week, trying to retrieve Melissa's wedding ring. But of course we know that it was snatched up by "A" last week. (Did Spencer really think that "A" wouldn't find a way to meddle?)
Instead, the pawn guy is convinced Spencer sold him a horseshoe. Uh, we're not sure why he thought that the horseshoe belonged to Spencer. Did the pawn guy get an Old West vibe from her? Because we sure didn't. Heck, we can't even picture Spencer playing the game horseshoes.
And speaking of things that the girls would never want to do, Hanna's mom forces her klepto daughter to see the therapist on her own. The therapist wants Hanna to talk to an empty chair and pretend it's Alison (Sasha Pieterse), in order to let go of the past, but Hanna resists. And, anyway, can you really picture Alison in a desk chair? She was clearly more of a "lawn chair" kind of gal.
For Aria, it's the day that every high-school girl dreams of: The day your mom becomes your full-time English teacher! Momma Montgomery also needs little Aria to find Mike at the basketball court after school, but when she goes to look for him she bumps into the mysterious Jason DiLaurentis. Oh, and he's shirtless. Sorry, one second — we just need to grab a towel so we can wipe the drool up off the floor. OK, we're good. And when he's not building creepy fences and covering his windows in newspaper, Aria finds that Jason can be surprisingly charming. Funny thing about that.
Spencer, meanwhile, didn't have quite the carefree episode. First, she tracks down Wren at the hospital, who admits to giving Melissa medicine for Ian, but also says he doesn't know where Ian is and won't help Spencer find him. Plus, Spencer finds Melissa's suitcase packed with all of her things, along with Ian's passport. It seems like Melissa's planning to catch a quick flight, and we're guessing it's not for the free pretzels.
Meanwhile, Lucas (Brendan Robinson) has managed to secure a date with foxy new student Danielle, but he's way too scared to go through with it. (In other words, he's pulling a Lucas.) So he convinces Hanna to bring Caleb (Tyler Blackburn) along and make it a double date. Hanna reluctantly agrees, but Danielle thinks Hanna still has feelings for Lucas (ha!), until Hanna gets Caleb to put his arm around her. Yeah, as if Caleb really had to be convinced!
Emily's mom invites Samara over for dinner but can't stop talking about that fake letter that she assumes was written by the college swim scout. And we thought our moms were proud of us to an embarrassing degree. When Em's mom wants to meet the scout, Samara convinces her not to come on too strong. And, as we watch Samara make up that elaborate story about her dad knowing the Stanford coach, we're like, "Looks like we've found a fifth little liar!"
Hanna finally gets up the courage to confront "Alison" (who, apparently, can also be purchased for 20% off at IKEA). But then Alison comes to life in Hanna's imagination, and she's her usual bitchy self. But Hanna manages to stay strong, and tells Alison to take a hike. OK, so it's a little easier to confront someone when they're dead, but progress is progress.
Unfortunately, the next day, we see that the therapist's office has been trashed, and "Nosey Bitches Die" has been written on the wall where the clock was hanging. With all the paint that "A" goes through, we would hate to see what her (his?) Home Depot bills look like.
Finally, Wren agrees to help Spencer find Ian, so he calls Melissa and she tells Wren where to go. Spencer and the girls play spy as Melissa takes Wren to a barn, and suddenly we hear Melissa scream. Spencer and the girls run to the barn and find Ian — but he's dead! He's slumped on the ground, with blood on his head, a gun in his hand, and a suicide note nearby — a note in which he admits to killing Alison (or so we're led to believe). Then again, since we're talking about Ian, it wouldn't surprise us if he's alive and well come next week. The guy is harder to kill than bed bugs.
Finally, we see "A" sneak a phone into one of the girls' bags, and we also notice that there is a horseshoe missing from the barn wall. Sigh. It'll never get any easier for these girls, will it?