Melancholy was in the air this week on Pretty Little Liars. Yeah, Ian (Ryan Merriman) might be dead and everything (though knowing PLL, we wouldn’t be surprised if he emerged from his grave, Carrie-style), but the little liars hardly have anything to celebrate. Of course that doesn’t mean they can’t dress up in their cutest little black dresses for the funeral. Let the party begin!
The girls breathe a much-needed sigh of relief when Ian’s creepy body is laid to rest, and they can finally go back to hanging out in graveyards together like normal teenage BFFs. But things aren’t that easy, especially not with “A” lurking around every corner. Aria (Lucy Hale), Emily (Shay Mitchell) Spencer (Troian Bellisario), and Hanna (Ashley Benson) are trying to have a stress-free lunch at school (while they gaze suspiciously at an iPad with a picture of Ian’s suicide note on it) when Officer Garrett shows up to tell them Ian’s body had been decomposing for a week before it was found! Ew, that puts us off our pig-shaped cupcakes. The fab four can’t believe that Ian was already dead when they found him –– surely this means “A,” not Ian, was the one texting Melissa (Torrey DeVitto)! Well, duh. Even we knew that. At this point the girls are so used to “A”’s antics, that they just want to chillax for once, but Emily is suspicious when she gets a text from “A” asking if Ian’s suicide note looks familiar. Um, should it?
Meanwhile, Spencer’s fam struggle with Ian’s death; the Rosewood paparazzi (er, newspapers) won’t stop harassing them; and Melissa and her baby bump are a total wreck. At least Spencer’s mom finally apologizes for not believing that Ian tried to kill her. Maybe Spence can guilt trip Mama Hastings into a trip to Ralph Lauren for some more cute equestrienne-inspired ensembles. She might as well get something out of this hot mess.
Spencer considers making amends with Melissa by buying her a knock-off engagement ring, but when she realizes that Melissa is so not the type of girl who would fall for a fake diamond, she gives up in frustration — only to get a text from “A,” who threatens to expose her lies. How have these girls not searched their rooms for hidden cameras by now?
Caleb (Tyler Blackburn) is majorly concerned about Hanna’s PTSD, so he shows up at her house to check on her. Aw, what a sweetie! Initially Hanna shoots her long-haired lover down, but then they bond over how they’ve both seen a dead body. Aww, young love! Hanna’s mom comes home all emotional at the thought of Hanna having been a target for Ian, and Hanna reassures her that she’s safe and sound. Apparently girlfriend’s forgotten about that time she got herself run over by a car and was hospitalized.
The next day, Hanna catches up with Caleb at school and he dishes about the deal he has set up with his shady foster mother Janet, who collects his social services check. Of course, Hanna fixes that prob when she confronts Janet and threatens to sue her. She may not be Hefty Hanna anymore, but she can still throw her weight around with the best of 'em.
Over at Hollis, Aria and Ezra (Ian Harding) are in the middle of emo eye-sexing each other, when Ezra’s ex, Jackie, walks in and catches them holding hands. Awkward! How is Aria supposed to seductively tickle Ezra with her hair feathers when Jackie’s lurking around every corner being all pretty and of legal age? Also, we don’t like Jackie calling Ezra “Z.” Hands off — this vest-wearing hipster is taken!
Emily goes to the post office to pick up a package for her mom, and she sees that Logan Reed (the guy Ian hired to drop off his dollars to the girls) works there. When she gets home, she stares at Ian’s suicide note some more and realizes that it’s entirely comprised of snippets from creepy texts sent from “A.” Em shares her findings with her besties, and they determine that if “A” wrote the letter, Ian never actually confessed to killing Alison. Is her killer still around? Emily heads back to the post office to confront Logan, who claims a woman hired him to give the cash –– not Ian. Gasp!
Speaking of creeps, remember that mysterious hooded dude who broke into Spencer’s house and shoved Aria up against the kitchen cabinets? Well it turns out it was Mike (Cody Christian), who makes the big mistake of trying to rob Jason DiLaurentis (Drew Van Acker)! Bro, we get that you’re angsty, but don’t you know who you’re dealing with? Have you not seen Jason’s abs? Jason drops Mike home and he and Aria have a chance to get their sexual tension on while Jason stares at her meaningfully through his bangs. Uh-oh, Aria — what about “Z”?
The next day at Ian’s funeral, Spencer tries to peacefully contemplate the death of her deranged brother-in-law while Emily can’t stop thinking about who killed him. Raise your hand if you think Em should concentrate more on whipping her gorgeous hair back and forth, Willow Smith-style, and less on hunting down the local crazies.
Ezra shows up at the funeral in his snazziest black suit and runs into the Montgomerys, and Aria seems pissed that he doesn’t acknowledge their relationship right then and there. Right, because the best place to find out that your daughter is dating her teacher is at a murderer’s funeral. While Aria’s sulking, Emily tells Officer Garrett all about her discoveries at the post office, and he assures her that he’ll track down the woman who hired Logan. Don’t trust him, Em! Next thing we know, Officer Garrett is paying Logan off and calling Jenna on the phone to tell her the situation’s been “taken care of.” Uh oh!
While the girls angrily throw dirt on Ian’s grave, Aria wistfully checks out Jason, who’s forlornly sitting on a bench away from all the rest of the “mourners.” Just as Aria’s about to go chat Jason up, Ezra walks over to explain himself and manages to piss her off again by refusing to hug her. This hot teach is definitely not #winning.
Aria stomps over to Jason for a bonding moment, and he reveals that he doesn’t remember a thing from the night Ali died. Apparently Jason woke up with a hangover and a note in his pocket saying, “I know what you did.” Poor dude thought he had killed his own sis! Which he very well may have. Sigh.
In slightly less-promising news, Melissa hates Spencer’s pretty little guts because she sees Ian’s phone in her bag and thinks Spencer was the one pretending to be Ian during the week he was decomposing. But not all the liars are despondent: After the funeral, love is in the air when Caleb comes by Hanna’s house to say thanks for getting his foster mom to cough up the social services cash. He’s so sweet with that long hair. Hanna thinks so, too — how else do you explain the fact that she plants a major kiss on his sexy lips? Looks like these two are back in action!
So just when we think this episode’s going to end on a happy note, Emily realizes that the package she retrieved for her mom is actually a map that “A” sent her, so she and the ladies meet up at the local cemetery (where else). They find Alison’s grave, where a video of her death is being projected on a nearby tomb — only this time there’s more footage! In the new vid, Alison gets up from the ground, alive and well, and kisses Ian goodnight. Wow, guess Ian didn’t kill Ali after all. The bitch is back, bitches!