As sung by Ezra (Ian Harding), to the tune of Justin Bieber: “And I was like, ‘Baby, baby, baby, no!’”
In this week’s episode of Pretty Little Liars (Season 3, Episode 9: “The Kahn Game”), Hanna (Ashley Benson) and Caleb (Tyler Blackburn) prove that the best part of breaking up is making up; CeCe demonstrates that guys are not interested in her for her mind; and Hanna’s mom gets Ted to do the dishes (way to crack that whip, Ms. Marin!).
Wherein Aria Learns That The Words “Maggie” and “Baby” Don’t Just Refer to The Simpsons
So much pregnancy drama this season! First, we had Melissa (Torrey DeVitto) faking her pregnancy, and then we learned about a pregnancy that Aria wishes had been faked. Come to think of it, Ezra was involved in all kinds of sketchy behavior this week, including his (somewhat dubious) claim that he’s getting back his Jag — along with the fact that he once, uh, slipped one past the goalie.
And let’s talk about this brand spankin’ new bro of his, shall we? The younger Fitzgerald — a.k.a. Wesley — is a bit sneaky but just as hot as we could have imagined. In fact — and don’t hate us for this! — he might actually be hotter than Ezra himself. Let’s just say that learning that Ezra has an even-dreamier brother is like when we were kids and loved drinking milk, and then we found out about chocolate milk. Consider our minds blown.
And a note to Ezra: Some things are okay to keep from your significant other, but having knocked up your high-school sweetheart and having your mom “take care of it” ain’t one them. More acceptable lies to tell your girlfriend include, “I don’t know why that bottle of medicated foot powder is in my bathroom, someone must have left it there,” or “I swear, someone probably photoshopped my face onto this picture so that it looks like I used to play clarinet in my high school’s marching band.”
Wherein Spencer And Jenna Play The World’s Angriest Round of “Truth or Dare”
We apparently get one crazy Noel Kahn (Brant Daugherty) party per season, right? We don’t remember any sinister-looking eye stamps at Season 1’s kegger or Season 2’s Halloween party — which Noel’s brother’s friends were also at, mind you — but we did see that the stamp was being used upon admission to this party, as Aria and Spencer learned.
So why is Spencer the only high school student in America who will only go to a party if she thinks she it will get her into college? Lighten up, girl! And CeCe got Spencer to attend that party by promising that she could meet her friend Steven, but we’re thinking that CeCe’s friend “Steven” has a lot in common with CeCe’s sense of decency (in that neither one seems to exist).
Isn’t “Truth or Dare” usually fun? Well, it sure isn’t fun at the Kahn residence, between Noel trying to incriminate Ezra, and then Spencer promising Jenna to exchange a video for Ali’s body — plus Noel admitting that he and Jenna found Emily at a diner. Come to think of it, the only game that seems less fun than this version of “Truth or Dare” is a game where someone can force you to watch a terrible film of their choosing, called “Jason Statham Movie or Nicolas Cage Movie.”
Wherein Hanna Finds Out Who “A” Is!!! (But, Uh... Not Really)
Haleb forever! Seriously, that make-out sesh between Hanna and Caleb was hotter than the sun. And Hanna might as well go ahead and tell Caleb about that she kissed Wren last week, since “A” is probably already in the process of texting Caleb about the kiss as we speak. (A note to Hanna: The whole “We were on a break” thing didn’t really seem to work for Ross on Friends, so you may want to try a different excuse.)
Who knew that Hanna would be so turned on by Caleb claiming to be “A”? (Off with Hanna’s jacket!) And Caleb seemed surprisingly chill about the fact that “A” was the one who tried to run his mom off the road. He’s like, “What doesn’t kill her makes her stronger. Anyway, are we gonna hook up in the alley or what?” And speaking of Montecito, it’s quite the coincidence that CeCe arrived from L.A. just after Caleb’s mom’s accident happened, dontcha think?
Wherein Emily Watches the Saddest Videos Ever (Not Counting the Nicholas Sparks Movies)
We’re still suspicious of both Emily’s ex Maya and her current squeeze Paige, which just goes to show that Emily might not have the world’s most careful screening process when it comes to her love life. However, it was great seeing both Maya and Paige this week, between Emily watching Maya’s touching videos and then getting comforted by Paige. But only Paige could tell a story about an old man getting naked and have it help the situation.
And we can’t help but try to decipher any hidden clues in Maya’s video messages. For example, Maya mentions that Emily is an old soul and that she can hear clocks running backwards. We can’t hear the word “clock” without thinking of the clock tower that Ian chased Spencer in, so we wonder if perhaps Maya could have known some secret about that? Or perhaps Maya was just trying to remind Emily to set her clock back for daylight savings.
- Welcome to Season 3, Noel Kahn! (Now can you go away for good please, Noel Kahn? Thanks a bunch.)
- We keep getting more information about “That Night,” and this week’s new info was that Noel was with Jenna, and that they saw Emily at a diner instead of the side of the road. So it appears that it was Noel — and not Holden — whom Em remembers seeing in the diner with the stamp on his hand. But who was Jenna trying to protect by lying about the diner?
- There were some juicy factoids during the “Truth” game between Spencer and Jenna. For example, Jenna wants the video that the Liars have. It’s also clear that Jenna and Garrett have some really bad blood between them. Also, when Spence asks Jenna what else she lied about regarding “that night,” Jenna is silent and seems to make eye contact with CeCe. So was CeCe there “that night” — or is Jenna just kinda rusty with how eye contact works?
- The Liars bring up an interesting point when they mention that they never heard Ali talk about CeCe, given that Ali would have been the type to flaunt her friendship with a hot older girl. So is it possible that CeCe is just pretending to have known Ali and is pulling a fast one on our girls? Keep in mind that CeCe previously mentioned that Ali told her that Hanna is a klepto, but Hanna only started utilizing the five-finger discount once Ali disappeared. Sounds fishy to us.
- Speaking of CeCe, we couldn’t help but get suspicious when Noel’s brother Eric mentions that CeCe got him to steal a car. Could this be a relevant detail that’s related to “A” somehow, given all the auto mishaps over the years? Also, we couldn’t help but remember that, at Noel’s party in Season 1, Hanna stole a car from her boyfriend Sean. (Remember Sean? We certainly don’t miss that dude!)
- We’re now thinking there’s a chance that CeCe didn’t really give the application to Steven. Which is more likely — that Steve popped up at the party to receive the application and then disappeared faster than a mole in Whac-a-Mole, or that CeCe was the person who sent Spencer that email and is just messing with her? Yes, we think that CeCe might be the messer, and Spence is the messee.
- Did CeCe tamper with Aria’s phone just before she gave it back to Aria at the coffee place? It was hard to tell, but as Em learned a few weeks back, CeCe is not to be trusted with your phone. She would probably even try to tamper with a tin can and string that belongs to a little kid.
- What’s is the deal with Ms. Marin’s new man Ted? We can’t be the only ones who think that he’s in cahoots with Wilden, right? We already knew that he knows Wilden, and it can’t possibly have just been a coincidence that Ted was hanging out right across the street from Mrs. Hastings law firm where he spotted Hanna’s mom — or that he recently dated Ella. Plus, he seemed to be a little too inquisitive about Hanna ... y’know, right before he frenched her mom.
- Remember when Ezra was the “Greatest Guy on Earth”? Those days are looong gone, as he is now no longer trustworthy at all. (Maybe that makes him a “Handsome Little Liar”?) Like, is he really getting the money from his mom to buy that car back, or could he actually be getting the money from Jason — and perhaps it’s Jason whom Ezra was really meeting with when Wes picked Aria up? Oh, Ezra — why can’t you still be Mr. Perfect?
- So what’s the real reason why Maya had a standing invite to the stamp parties? And what clues can we glean from Maya’s cryptic video messages? As we mentioned, her “clocks running backwards” comment calls to mind the clock tower, while her “pyramids” comment calls to mind Ali being buried alive, much as people were in the pyramids. Perhaps this is a sign that Maya did in fact know who killed Ali? Or maybe it’s just a sign that Maya was a fan of the Brendan Fraser film The Mummy?
- Paige had a touching scene at the end of the episode with Emily, but we’re still having a tough time trusting her. Case in point: When Paige mentions that her mom found a video camera, we can’t help but think of the NAT Club, whose members were quite fond of video tapes. Plus, “A” would definitely have a few video cameras lying around. Just sayin’.
- Also, we know that Paige claimed that Emily’s mom let her into their home when Paige pokes her head into Em’s room. But we’re suspicious that Paige is part of the “A” team, so we wouldn’t be too surprised if Paige had somehow snuck in. (Might be time for the Fields household to invest in an alarm system. Or at least a musical doormat.)
Other Things That Need To Be Discussed:
- We love how CeCe asked if douchebaggery runs in the Kahn family. We wanted to tell Cece, “Uh, Noel busts out his acoustic guitar whenever he’s trying to impress a girl. So what do you think it says about his level of douchebaggery that his idol is apparently John Mayer?”
- It was sweet that Paige comforted Emily with that story about her grandma mooning the camera. However, it wasn’t the most pleasant mental image. Let’s just say that there are plenty of guys on this show whose naked butts we want to picture. (And no, they don’t involve wrinkly tulip tattoos.)
- How does Spencer — of all people! — forget to send in her college application? That’s like Santa Claus waking up on the morning of December 25 and saying, “I just know there was something I was supposed to do today. Oh, that’s right! I was supposed to pick up my armchair from the reupholstery place.” (Let’s assume for the moment that Santa Claus is a big fan of reupholstered furniture.)
- Did Aria really need to wear that top with the rib-cage design on it? On this show, you don’t exactly want to encourage people to picture you as a corpse, since you could possibly end up as one at any moment.
Catch an all-new episode of PLL on Tuesday, August 14 at 8 p.m. ET/PT on ABC Family.
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