So long, Garrett! In this week’s unbelievably shocking Halloween episode of Pretty Little Liars (Season 3, Episode 13: “This Is a Dark Ride”), Aria decides to take a quick nap, Garrett didn’t kill Alison but did beat the crap out of a tree, and we kinda wish Noel would have choked to death on that grape after all.

Wherein Spencer Learns That Garrett Liked Her The Best — Which Isn’t Really a Big Victory

Sorry, Garrett you can’t just suck up to Spencer in your final scene and expect us to suddenly feel sorry for you that you’re dead. We’re not saying that we’re going to dance on Garrett’s grave per se, but that’s mainly because we don’t really like dancing. Long story short: Good riddance.

But Garrett did manage to spill some crazy deets to Spencer before he wound up relaxing in that crate next to Aria. Garrett tells Spence that he pretended to kill Alison in front of Jenna, but that Ali was still alive when he left and she was having an argument with Byron!

And were we the only ones who, anytime Spencer kissed Toby, were screaming at the top of our lungs to get Spencer to run in the opposite direction of that rat bastard troubled individual? How can Spencer not yet know that he’s in cahoots with the “A” team and clearly wanted to get rid of Garrett? She’s usually the most perceptive person ever!

Wherein Hanna Really Loves the Dentist

Who knew that Hanna could cause so much damage with a fire extinguisher? But we loved seeing our Marilyn bust down that train car door to help free Aria from that wooden crate. (Then again, don’t you always do whatever you can to free your friends from wooden crates?)

There were all kinds of sexy scenes this week, but the sexiest was probably Hanna and Caleb’s in the storage closet. (And this is one of the few instances on the episode when people spent time in a locked, confined space by choice.) But we’re thinking Hanna will now check I.D. before she goes smooching some random Phantom of the Opera given that she ended up snuggling with Mona. (So now she and Caleb have both gotten almost-intimate with Mona? Weird.)

Wherein We Learn Once and For All That Emily’s Girlfriend Is a Total Badass

Go, Paige! Okay, so we knew from earlier this season that Paige was someone you wouldn’t want to scuffle with, given how she had been giving Ali hell on the soccer field. But now Paige has really proven her ferocity, as she protects Spencer from the evil joker on the train. Our new motto: Don’t mess with Pigskin.

We’ve long been supporters of Team Emaya, so it’s always been a tad hard to watch Paige and Emily together. (For some reason, we don’t find drowning attempts to be all that romantic.) But after Emily and Paige’s totally adorable scene on the train, we’re finally in support of those two wholeheartedly.

Wherein Aria Decides to Think Outside the Box

It’s safe to say that we’ve never used a screwdriver for the reason that Aria uses it, after she frees herself from the duct tape and then randomly jabs the screwdriver into some poor unfortunate kidnapper. Come to think of it, the only screwdriver we’re familiar with is the kind that involves vodka.

So the big question is, who was the person dressed as the joker who poured that powder from the ring into Aria’s punch? And why were the two people pushing the crate a guy and a girl so desperate to get rid of Aria? It’s clear that Garrett knew too much and needed to be disposed of by the “A” team, but we can’t imagine why they would need to murder Aria. Or maybe they were just jealous that she got to chat with Adam Lambert?

Clues:

- So many shocking moments this week! The biggest shocker had to be that Garrett was killed, meaning that the “A” team wanted him gone for what he knew about Ali’s death, and that’s why they got him freed from prison.

- In Garrett’s flashback to the night that Ali died, we see that he pretended to hit Alison with a field hockey stick, and then he makes Jenna believe that she’s dead. We also see Alison gesture to Garrett to keep quiet, but we don’t exactly know why Ali would want Jenna to think that Garrett killed her.

- And if you thought all that was juicy, you ain’t seen nothing yet, as we witness Ali talking naughty to Byron. So this seems to explain why Ali wanted to frame Meredith for trashing Byron’s office last season and get her out of the picture. But just how involved was Byron with Ali, and could he be involved in Ali’s death? The mind boggles! Suddenly, Lindsay Lohan’s dad just moved up from worst dad ever to only second-worst.

- Who was the joker who drugged Aria and attacked Spencer, leaving behind that fingernail? As the girls point out, the nail appeared to be a man’s size. Plus, in the opening scene, we watched Mona pour pills into a mystery person’s gloved hand, so this might have been Toby’s hand, considering he and Mona had conspired together in the previous episode.

- Who was trying to push Aria and Garrett’s corpse out of that train as if they were on the sinking Titanic and were trying to lighten the ship’s load? We hear a male and female voice, and so we’re thinking that Mona is a possibility, since that mask under her bed proves that she was on the train. (Come to think of it, Radley really needs to beef up its security.)

- So who was the guy who was helping Mona push and who seemingly got a screwdriver stab wound for his troubles? It could be any number of guys, but no one seemed to have a wounded hand in the final scene on the train. We can’t help but wonder if Lucas was involved since his camera was on the table but if we needed someone to help us push something heavy, Lucas wouldn’t be our first choice.

- Maybe the female pushing the crate wasn’t Mona but was Melissa? Melissa and Ian were the two people left in Ali’s bedroom when Jenna and Garrett went outside, so it’s possible that Garrett knew that Melissa was involved in Ali’s death. As we’ve come to learn, Ali and Melissa weren’t exactly fast friends.

- What exactly is Ezra hiding? He claims he has to go to Philly for a writing job, but he doesn’t appear to be telling the truth, so maybe he’s really doing something involving his son. Or maybe he’s on the “A” team, considering he shows up on the train awfully quickly after it stops. Ezra tells Aria, “I decided to drive over here and hop on this train, since we all know it’s a good idea to hang out at the scene of a murder and make people think that you might be involved.”

- It looks like we now know where Ali’s body is — and it’s helping keep the drinks cold. So it seems pretty clear that Toby intentionally tossed Noel into the drinks so that the body bag would be revealed. And here we thought that Toby was just fighting with Noel to be chivalrous.

- It certainly seems that the show has decided to give Alison a twin, since Ms. Marin speaks to a young girl with cold skin who talks about her mean sister and their dolls, and we’re assuming this is the ghost of Ali’s sister. Maybe Ms. Marin shouldn’t have let the strange, possibly dead girl just hang out in her home unattended, dontcha think?

- How crazy was it to see the flashback to that hand that’s coming out of the dirt in Ali’s yard, seemingly after being buried alive? We know that Ali’s body had been found, but this might suggest that Ali is still alive. And we’ve always suspected that Ali or her twin are involved in the “A” team, so this could verify it. (Could Ali have been the one trying to push Aria out of the train?) Either way, this show is apparently about to turn into Zombieland.

- We still don’t understand why Aria of all the girls was targeted as the Liar whom the “A” team wanted to dispose of. And why is that, on TV shows, duct tape is used 99% of the time to tie people up, and only 1% of the time to, y’know, actually fix ducts. If we were the duct tape manufacturers, we would hate to deal with that major PR issue on our hands.

Catch the return of PLL Season 3 on Tuesday, January 8, 2013 at 8 p.m. ET/PT on ABC Family.

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