What did we learn on this week’s Revenge? We learned that hoodies are typically a fashion no-no in the Hamptons, but they’re acceptable if you’re trying to cover your face as you kidnap your therapist and lock her in a Dumpster that not even David Blaine could escape from. (And who among us hasn’t had to do that from time to time? We’re only human!)

Wednesday’s episode, entitled “Duplicity,” starts with Emily (Emily VanCamp) talking to her shrink, Dr. Banks, who we’ll later learn is also Victoria’s therapist and good friend. We also notice that both Emily and Victoria’s sessions are secretly being videotaped. (Between last week’s episode and now this one, it seems that this show uses more hidden cameras than the show Punk’d.)

As it turns out, Dr. Banks is the latest target in Emily’s (incredibly well-thought-out) revenge plot, since we then see Emily draw a red circle on a photo of Dr. Banks’ face, as has become Em’s norm. Let’s just hope Emily has bought a big box of those red pens, since there’s no way that just one writing utensil has enough ink to handle all of the circles and X’s that Emily plans to make. That poor pen doesn’t know what it’s gotten itself into.

Emily’s friend Ashley (Ashley Madekwe) — the party-planner who has yet to plan one party that hasn’t ended in tragic disaster — is falling hard for Tyler (Ashton Holmes), Daniel’s (Joshua Bowman) former Harvard roommate and current super-sketchy friend who’s crashing in his pool house. But Tyler isn’t so crazy about our girl Emily; when Em stops by to solidify dinner plans with Daniel, she instead finds a half-naked Tyler (awkward!), who later hides Daniel’s phone and tells Daniel that Emily canceled dinner. Of course, why exactly Tyler is doing this is about as unclear as the air in Los Angeles.

Brooding (and broke) Jack (Nick Wechsler)  is considering selling the bar and sailing around the world, Richard Branson-style – that is, until he stops by Emily’s place at night with flowers. He finds her alone with a bottle of wine, since Daniel hasn’t showed up and isn’t answering his (missing) phone. Emily says to Jack, “Want some of this pinot?” And Jack’s like, “Pinot? More like, ‘Pi-yes’!” Okay, so he didn’t actually say anything nearly that lame, but it was along those lines.

Unfortunately, right as Emily and Jack sit down to the table, Daniel drops by unannounced and
spots the two of them through the window. And our first thought is, “Emily can remember to execute tiny details of this immensely complex revenge plot, and yet she can’t remember to shut the blinds at night? Get it together, girl!”

As for Jack’s brother Declan – whom we automatically root for because he’s played by Connor Paolo, who got stuck sharing so many scenes with crazy Taylor Momsen over on Gossip Girl – his romance with Victoria’s daughter Charlotte is really taking off, with no mention this week of her kinda-stupid ex-boy toy Adam (who spent more time shirtless last week than Taylor Lautner does in a movie). This week, Jack and Charlotte bond over Jack wearing his mom’s ring, as Jack proves that Frodo isn’t the only guy out there who can look good with a ring.

We then get to this week’s Obligatory Charity Event, since Victoria apparently is involved with more charities than Bono. The event has just started, and Ashley is totally freaking about not being able to find a DVD about the charity. (Apparently, this isn’t the kind of DVD that you can just call Netflix about and claim that it got “lost in the mail.”) Luckily, Emily finds it… inside the DVD player. In other words, Ashley didn’t exactly need to hire Sherlock Homes in order to solve The Case of the Missing Disc.

When Victoria then plays the disc in front of the entire party (because who doesn’t want to hear a sales pitch at a party?), we see that much of the video has actually been replaced by footage from some kind of website called “HamptonsExposed.com” (which we at first thought was supposed to be read as “HamptonSexposed,” about some dirty guy named Hampton).

The weird website features taped segments from several of Dr. Banks’ therapy sessions, taken with a hidden camera. Emily hacked into the Dr. Banks' computer and cleverly included footage from her own session to hide her hacking skills. (Not to mention that she included a clip in which Victoria says she regrets having Charlotte — ouch!)

And then we find out why Emily/Amanda is not Dr. Banks’ biggest fan: Dr. Banks was Amanda’s childhood therapist; Victoria bribed her to make sure that Amanda was institutionalized and never saw her father, since Amanda had spotted Victoria swiping a laptop from her dad. But was the bribe really worth it for Dr. Banks? All Victoria was offering her was a very similar job to her current one, except with bitchy housewives as clients. That’s like Victoria bribing a lion-tamer by promising him a safer job, and then got him a job as a rhinoceros-tamer.

The next thing we know, Victoria is being questioned by the cops in connection with the disappearance of Dr. Banks. As it turns out, it was Emily who locked Dr. Banks in a storage facility — and one that belonged to the Grayson company, no less. Apparently, Emily hates therapists even more than Tom Cruise does. (But let’s face it — Dr. Banks totally had it coming.)

And we thought we were finally starting to like Daniel last week, what with the vulnerability he showed by sharing about his car accident, but this week gave him a chance to show off his less desirable attributes (or should we say, “his Grayson-ness”). Tyler convinces him that he’s able to just have one drink, but Daniel keeps on drinking until he ends up making out with some trashy girl at Jack’s bar. In other words, saying that Daniel isn’t addicted to alcohol is like saying that we’re not addicted to pictures of yawning kittens.

But we really can’t figure out Tyler’s motives here. Why was Tyler apparently completely sober that night, as Ash discovered when she smelled him? (As a side note, smelling random guys is not a pastime we’d recommend.) Perhaps Tyler is in the process of enacting his own revenge plot against Daniel? (But let’s hope not. Just the idea of that is so mind-boggling that, if we were Keanu Reeves, we’d be saying “whoa” in a very confused voice right about now.)

So another week has gone by and we continue to be blown away by how crafty our little Emily is. The only concern we have right now is that if Victoria and Frank (the private investigator who couldn’t possibly have a lower voice, even if he were played by James Earl Jones) questioned Ash about the DVD, and she mentioned that it was indeed Emily who found it. Looks like Victoria has yet one more reason to constantly spy on Emily from her porch! (Come to think of it, even the main character from the film Rear Window would probably tell Victoria that she’s being a little too nosy.)

But all the tension from tonight’s episode has made us thirsty, and we could use a drink. (Don’t worry — we meant a nonalcoholic drink! You don’t need to smell us.)