Where we last left them: Ezra watches Aria and Sean dance with an expression of obvious envy. And if Ezra is jealous of Sean’s dance moves, we’d hate to see Ezra dance. Saying that Sean is no Usher is like saying that Nicolas Cage is a little odd.
What happened this week: Ezra was MIA, so we see Aria reading the book that he had given her, Winesburg, Ohio, and his inscription hat she should read it whenever she wants to escape from Rosewood. Because who doesn’t fantasize about someday vacationing in Ohio?
Where it’s headed: We’re not sure when we’ll see Ezra return to school, but if Aria is going to insist on breaking into his apartment every time that he’s not in class, the least she can do is water his houseplants for him or something! Make yourself useful, sweetie!
SEAN AND HANNA
Where we last left them: Hanna spent the homecoming dance doing what she does best — stealing — so Sean was left to boogie with Aria. And it appears that Sean got the idea that Aria was interested in him, making him the most delusional person since Jessica Simpson when she thought that her role in the remake of The Dukes of Hazzard meant she was going to be a movie star.
What happened this week: Sean threatens to jam Lucas’ camera where the sun doesn’t shine after Lucas took an unflattering snapshot of Sean and Hanna, so we’d hate to see where Sean would put the camera upon discovering that Lucas is moving in on his girlfriend. Then again, it’s likely that Sean’s feigned anger is just a ploy to get closer to Lucas’ nether regions.
Where it’s headed: We’re getting more and more skeptical about the royal couple’s longevity. In fact, relationship counselors always say that there are two important things that every couple must agree upon: Whether or not you both want kids, and whether or not you both find it funny when turkeys compete in extreme sports.
EMILY AND MAYA
Where we last left them: Maya shows up at the homecoming dance, only to see that Emily is there with Toby. Seriously — did anyone have fun at this dance? This seemed to have been the least successful school-related party since that party in Sorority Row where the friend gets stabbed with a tire iron. (Death by tire iron? Talk about a major party foul.)
What happened this week: Emily tells Maya that she’s the person with whom she wants to be. Of course, it certainly helps Maya’s chances that Toby — her biggest competition for Emily’s affections — is presumably lying dead in a ditch somewhere. Remember when Emily was violently assaulted by her boyfriend Ben and then went to a barn party three hours later? Homegirl has an unusual way of dealing with trauma.
Where it’s headed: Emily has a history of getting cold feet when it comes to going public about her relationship with Maya, so you’ll understand why we’re not suddenly rushing to christen them the next Ellen and Portia. In fact, given the way relationships tend to go in this town, Melissa and Tammy might be a more apropos comparison.
SPENCER AND ALEX
Where we last left them: Alex meets Spencer’s sister, Melissa, at the dance, where he learns that she’s the least trustworthy family member since Hamlet’s uncle.
What happened this week: The couple put the Bitch Board behind them with that sexy Latin dance at the end of the episode. And the timing was just flawless, as it meant that the actors got to show off their dancing skills — right before ABC announces the new lineup for Dancing with the Stars!
Where it’s headed: If Alex thought Melissa was tough on him, just wait until he meets Spencer’s dad! We’re thinking that Alex won’t exactly love joining the Hastings in their game of High/Low, especially because looking good in a hairnet probably won’t chart as a reason why his day was a success.