Credit: ABC Family

Whoever the ghost is trying to kill the gang on Ravenswood, it upped its game in tonight’s episode. Season 1, Episode 3: “Believe” saw attempted murder by snake, knife, and chandelier. Caleb and Co. better figure out a way out of this curse fast, or they’re going to be featured in the next Ravenswood High yearbook memorial page!

Miranda crashes her own funeral

Credit: ABC Family

The narrative picks up at Miranda’s funeral and, man, is it awkward. Partially, because Miranda is totally there in ghost form) and, partially, because Caleb is officially the closest thing to a grieving loved one at the event, and he knew the wayward teen for roughly 48 hours — alive, that is. They’ve become even better friends since she turned ghost. If only we could say the same thing about Uncle Ray — aka Raymond Collins, the owner of the funeral home and Miranda’s only remaining living relative. Uncle Ray gives the most awkward eulogy ever, which Caleb quickly upstages at the reception afterwards, calling Miranda a beautiful girl full of stories. If we were more than three episodes into this show, we might have teared up.

Olivia, Remy, and Luke also make it to the funeral of the girl they saw die. Olivia almost upstages the deceased — a total funeral faux pas — by nearly dying herself when a spooky figure hiding in the bathroom vent makes eyes at her jugular. She survives this random, random attack.

Also present at the funeral: seemingly the entire Ravenswood police department, who uses the social gathering as an attempt to further investigate the death of Luke and Olivia’s father, aka Mayor Charles Matheson. They grill Luke and Olivia’s mom, Rochelle, the chief suspect in the crime, and mumble something about a woman named Abby before un-crashing the funeral. Classy. Seems like someone is giving the Rosewood PD a run for most useless Liars-verse coppers ever.

Remy gives us our weekly curse update

Remy continues to be the Spencer of this show, gathering more evidence about the curse while the other three (alive) teens twiddle their thumbs. She gathers the gang at The Volt, the local coffee shop, where she fills them in on the deets: this is the sixth cycle of the Ravenswood curse. Since 1918, every Ravenswood soldier gone to war has returned home safely. (To put that into perspective, that time period includes World War I, World War II, the Vietnam War, the Korean War, and the Iraq War). But there seems to be a catch: after the soldiers’ return, five teenagers die. Bummer. A skeptical Luke points out that there’s one problem with Remy’s theory: they’re still alive. Way to tempt fate, fool!

Matheson family drama

Credit: ABC Family

At this point, Olivia could care less about the curse that is out to kill her. She’s more preoccupied with the search for this Abby chick her father may or may not have been screwing. She and Luke confront their mom about it, which ends up being kind of a good news/bad news situation. Good news: Their father wasn’t having an affair with Abby, who — FYI — was his high school sweetheart. Bad news: Abby has been dead for 20 years. Though, much like other dead people in this town, that hasn’t kept her from staying quiet. According to Rochelle, Abby was trying to contact Papa Matheson shortly before his death to warn him that his “suspicions about the town” might get him into trouble. Understatement.

Taking a page from Remy’s book, Olivia does some sleuthing on her own and finds a memorial page with Abby’s face on it. It seems that she was one of five high school students who died in 1992. The curse strikes again! Liv goes to explore the science laboratory in the high school. Curiously, the room was funded by a donation from her father. Creepily, she sees the ghost of Abby through the room’s door, her face covered in burns. “Help me,” Abby rasps at Olivia. Officially, the spookiest part of this episode.

Keeping up with the Beaumonts

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The Beaumont home continues to be fractured following Remy’s mom’s miraculous return home from war. Terry is suffering from some serious survival guilt given that her entire unit was vaporized in an attack that she survived relatively unscathed. Remy chooses not to compound her guilt by mentioning that she may be the flip side of a curse that claimed Miranda’s life. Instead, she tells her mom she’s home now. They are having a lovely hand-holding moment when a car alarm spooks Terry and she knock a knife off of the kitchen counter. The blade narrowly misses Remy, instead lodging itself in the floor. We’re totally counting this as a near-death, even though Remy’s toes probably would have been the only victims.

Later, Remy catches her dad, Simon, watching the video of the attack on Terry’s unit. Is he just being morbid, or do we think he knows something about the curse? Remy seems to get her dogged pursuit for the truth from her dad, so we’re suspecting it might be the latter. Hopefully, that ends better for him than it did for Olivia and Luke’s pops.

Carriage house crib

Credit: ABC Family

Raymond Collins continues to let Caleb crash at his place, upgrading him to the former caretaker’s apartment above the carriage house. That’s right, Caleb has been in Ravenswood for less than a week and he already has better digs than he ever managed to scrounge up after seasons of staying on other people’s couches and tents in the woods on Pretty Little Liars. Just saying. We understand why he went spin-off. Apparently, the crib also comes with some caretaking abilities and a jeep. It noticeably does not include Hanna, who texts Caleb in hopes they can chat on the phone. Caleb promises to call later, and an angsty knot forms in we viewers’ stomachs.

Luke, Remy, and Olivia come over Caleb’s sweet new pad and the teens put their cards on the table. Caleb admits that he’s been seeing ghost Miranda, totally expecting his new friends to think he’s a crazy person. The female quotient does not as Remy admits to having a should-be-dead mother and Olivia fesses up to seeing her dead father’s dead ex-girlfriend. Luke thinks they’re all crazy, but manages to get bullied into a DIY seance. The gang contacts Abby with some help from Miranda the Friendly Ghost.

Side note confession: We’re not really sure what the heck Miranda was doing in this episode. There was a lot of her standing in a hallway, gazing at a childhood pic of her mom while angry spirits blew wind at her and flickered the lights. But, whatever, she managed to get a call into Abby, even though spirit cell service apparently sucks. Sioe note confession over.

Abby tells the others via makeshift Ouija board that, yes, Papa Matheson knew about the curse and, yes, it got him killed. Also: it’s itching to get them killed, too. Like, right now! The angry spirits loose the chandelier hanging over the Ouija board and it threatens to crush the unsuspecting teens. Miranda, previously unable to touch anything corporeal, manages to knock the board over, scaring the gang away from the table just before the chandelier falls. Yeesh! These ghosts suck at murdering. They’re like one for one million at this point. For some reason, Miranda gets all glowy and now the non-Caleb faction of the group can see her. Huzzah! Maybe next week, if she saves their lives again, she’ll get to change into a different outfit...

What did you think of this week’s episode? How much longer will the gang be able to avoid death? Sound off in the comments below!