Kandi Lets Lawrence Out of the Closet
First off, can we just congratulate Kandi on her hot little bod! Someone's been going to Zumba. Anyway, Kim, Shereé, Phaedra, and NeNe all came out to support Kandi as she introduced her latest act, Lawrence singing "Closet Freak." Girlfriend's vocals were tight, but the performance itself was kinda scary, starting with his A Clockwork Orange meets Edward Scissorhands outfit.
Kandi's finale update: "Issues with 'The Ring Didn't Mean a Thing' remain unresolved, and the single unreleased. Kandi travels to promote her new album... but not by bus." And, more importantly, minus Kim.
NeNe Deals With Her Boys
In case you've forgotten, back at the beginning of the season, NeNe gave Bryson 90 days to get his act together before she kicks him to the curb. So far, Bryce hasn't managed to get a job or really do much else other than "chill." Still, he did cut off those unacceptable dreads, which is progress enough for NeNe, so she decides to let him stay on. We find it rather ironic that NeNe wonders why Bryson thinks he can just live for free when the answer is so simple: because he can.
Meanwhile, NeNe's other ungrateful man, Gregg, requests her presence in the dining room to talk to his wife, apparently for the first time since the radio incident. Despite a couple of glasses of pink champagne, Gregg's apology seems to be too little, too late.
Later at Cynthia's wedding, Dwight approaches NeNe to give her flowers and ask her for a dance. Well, at least one of NeNe's feuds seem to be resolved.
NeNe's finale update: "With her divorce pending and Gregg still in the basement, NeNe dreams of a move to L.A.... to get her happy back." Wow, maybe NeNe will be leaving Atlanta.
Phaedra Finally Embraces Motherhood
Well, it's time for Mama to head back to work. Poor Phaedra starts crying on her way out the door, like a real mother! Aww, we're so proud of Phae-Phae — she's definitely come a long way since "Oh, gross."
Phaedra's finale update: "Phaedra balances litigating and diaper changing. She is planning Ayden's baptism... Dwight is busy planning the party." Hopefully, Cirque du Soleil was available!
Kim Experiences Massive Developments
After all of the dramz with Kim's treatment of Sweetie, she decides to get herself a microphone to scream for her assistant. OK, that's annoying. Moving on, Kim is totally psyched to debut her boyfriend Kroy at Cynthia's wedding, as well as her brand new ta-tas, which she literally has to tuck back into her dress for the entire night. For reals, Kim's new boobs almost overshadowed Phaedra and Cynthia as the real two new characters this season.
Earlier in the episode, Kandi confronts Kim about their producer/"artist" relationship, and the ladies decide to leave the business to their lawyers and managers. Um, really, isn't Kim done playing American Idol already?
Kim's finale update: "Kim and NeNe haven't spoken since Miami. She and Kroy are home hunting to make room for their growing family... a baby is expected in June." Um, yeah, tell us something we don't know.
Shereé Gets Grilled
Speaking of faux artists, Shereé goes on her first movie audition. The actress is surprised to find that she has to read in front of a panel. Yo, this audish was intense! Things got pretty heated, with the casting team basically yelling at Shereé to either get angry or stop wasting their time. Wow.
Shereé's finale update: "The producers of the film called, Shereé got the part. She's still dating... but checks credentials first." Hands down, Shereé landing that role is the biggest twist of the finale. No contest.
Cynthia Finds Her Happily Ever... Now
Basically, Cynthia has decided to forget all about the Miami weekend. Good idea. So, it's two days before the wedding and her dress isn't finished, and even more alarming, the event might end up being cash bar. That sound you just heard was Kim Zolciak's head exploding. Anyway, Cynthia's having all sorts of doubts and resentment over being broke, but she feels comfortable moving forward with the nuptials, since she can always just get divorced, no biggie. Um, that's not the best way to enter a marriage, but hey, at least she's going through with it. Although, there's still that little detail of paying for her dinosaur extravaganza. After getting denied by Daddy, Cynthia's mother steps up to the plate and pays for the booze. Phew, that was a close one.
The morning of the big day, Cynthia is feeling pretty stressed. It's probably not helping that her sister's like "Don't do it!" and her stylist's like "I have a car ready to go if you want to run." Real supportive, everybody. Even her mother tries to talk her out of it. Regardless, Cynthia forges ahead.
As she's getting prettied up, Mallory informs her sis that there are no wedding bands in the house. We're not talking, like, Adam Sandler in The Wedding Singer here — we're talking, like, "with this ring I thee wed" bands. Of course, this item was on Peter's list. Cynthia chooses to deal with it by not even bothering to freak out and continuing to drink her bottle of champagne. Nice! Ladies and gentleman, Cynthia Bailey has officially graduated to Real Housewife-dom.
Outside, Peter arrives looking smashing. Unfortunately, he's also smashed. Inside, just as Cynthia's starting to calm down, she suddenly realizes she forgot to bring the marriage license. Mallory and Mom see this as a golden opportunity to keep Cynthia from marrying Peter. Just kidding — Mallory and Mom actually have the marriage certificate and are purposely keeping it from Cynthia. Oh wait, that's way worse. Wow, it's almost like her family didn't think Cynthia would go through with this wedding or something.
Now it's an hour before the wedding, and the dinosaur museum is filling up fast. Lawrence is looking extra silly, Shereé and Kandi both look fab, Phaedra's showing off her figure and lactating breasts, Kim and NeNe are ignoring each other, and Dwight's donning a surprisingly somber suit. Must be laundry day. Finally, Mallory agrees to give her sister the marriage certificate. Gee, what a pal. OK, so, is Mallory secretly in love with Peter? Like, she was in tears.
At last, this wedding is actually happening. Peter walks down the aisle looking fabulous and, thankfully, more sober. Next come the bridesmaids, followed by Mallory, who still seems devastated. Finally, Noelle rocks her flower-girl duties (so cute). But... will Cynthia take the plunge? Of course she will. Once she steps out into her spotlight, in her breathtaking platinum-silver gown, and locks eyes with Peter, Cynthia knows she's doing the right thing by following her heart. And, honestly, after seeing Peter's reaction to his beautiful bride, we kinda think she's doing the right thing, too. (We're getting all teary over here!)
Cynthia's finale update: "Cynthia is learning to separate romance from finance and remains happily married. Peter is opening a small lounge in Atlanta... Cynthia is not investing."
Congrats to the happy couple!
Kandi Lets Lawrence Out of the Closet