Credit: Wilford Harewood/Bravo Photo: Kim Zolciak Hangs Onto Her Man

This week on Don’t Be Tardy For The Wedding, Kim Zolciak invited her in-laws to be to Atlanta for a few bridal hijinks and some very questionable beef stroganoff. Kim wanted to make a good impression on her future family, who were more than bit a wary of the Real Housewife.

While Kim was busy trying to be a team player, she came off looking more like a playmate. Read on for this week’s top 10 quotes!

10. Kim, leaving Rose’s house: “C’mon lets go, I got to pee like a f****** race horse...Let me be careful in my hooker heels”

Shuffling around in those bad boys looks like hard work.

9. Kim, on baby KJ being fussy: “I think he’s feeling everybody’s energy ...”
Ariana: “I think he’s just a baby … and babies cry.”

Is it a bad sign that the person with the most sense in this family just turned ten?

8. Kim, on proper in-law etiquette: “Is it appropriate to touch his ass in front of his mom and dad?”

We’ll put that in the “maybe” column.

7. Kim, smoking her first cigarette in a year: “How do I look smoking? Sexy right?”

Emphysema is sexy right?

6. Kendra, Kim’s decorator: “Every time you cuss, you gotta put a dollar in the jar.”
Kim: “OK, watch how good I do, bitch!”

Better empty your wallet out now, Kim.

5. Kim, looking for a dish to put the pizza on: “Babe, let’s just flip a cookie sheet upside down.” 

A culinary innovator — Martha Stewart would be proud.

4. Kim: “People have a vision of what they want their son to marry. And sometimes blond hair and big boobs isn’t [it]...” 

Wait, what dude doesn’t want that? 

3. Kim’s dad, Joe, on why her mother didn’t show up to her dress fitting: “She’s sweating, so she had to put some deodorant on.” 

Congratulations, you’ve just created the world’s worst and grossest excuse. 

2. Doctor, giving Kim her “non surgical face-lift”: “Here’s a vibrator to distract from the pain.” 

Hmm, what kind of pain are we talking about ...? 

1.  Kim to Kroy’s mother, Kathy, as she tries on wedding gowns: “You don’t want to show any cleavage?” 
To Kroy:  “I’ll have enough of that for you that day (wink).” 

With a tasteful two inches of side-boob, natch.