In tonight’s episode of Don’t Be Tardy for the Wedding, our favorite Atlanta potty mouth had to deal with real porter potties and more crap from her mom. Through it all, Kim Zolciak actually managed to stay calm, while still being outrageous and inappropriate. Now that’s how you plan a wedding!
Read on for our top ten quotes from Episode 5, “Port-A-Pology.”
10. Kim: “I don’t need my mom to do the traditional mother of the bride things. My wedding is not going to be traditional. I’m not a traditional person.”
Yup — we kind of got that, Kim.
9. Kim, speaking to her Uncle John about his battle with cancer: “You told me, I’m not going anywhere until you’re married … and now that I’m getting married, I would love for you to walk me down the aisle.”
Excuse us, we seem to have something in our eyes ...
8. On their dream wedding:
Ariana:“What type of food would you serve?”
Well, it would cut down on the silverware costs.
7. Kim’s note to Kroy: “I love you Mr. Biermann, tight ass. Yummy, Yummy!”
Aww, Kim should consider a career writing greeting cards.
6. Discussing the “in sickness or in health” part of their vows:
Kroy: “When you get your tits done again, you will be [sick].”
Kim: “That’s not sickness, that’s elective sickness. And you’ll get something out of it.”
Well, at least he’s profiting from her cosmetic pain.
5. Writing Kim’s vows:
Jen: “What made you fall in love with him?”
Kim: “His ass. Can I write that? Your body is a work of art.”
Kroy’s ass and The Mona Lisa — the two greatest works of art to date.
4. On having porter potties at her house for her outdoor wedding:
Kim : “I don’t want people peeing in my house, all over my floors — that would be a mess.”
Are you inviting people, or untrained puppies?
3. After Kim asks for an apology from her mom for their texting tiff, Karen: “We gotta run.”
Well, that’s one way to deal with family problems.
2. Ariana, leaving the room: “Cue the applause because I’m walking out. That’s the only way I can walk out.”
One guess who she learned that from.
1. Jen: “When I first saw your ass, you made my va-jay jay dance.”
Nevermind, Jen’s the one with the Hallmark career.