When planning a wedding, your best friend is either your ride or die chick or you’re about ready to kill her. On episode 6 of Don’t Be Tardy for the Wedding, Kim Zolciak’s matron of honor, Jen, one of the breakout stars of the show (besides the wedding wigs, of course) turned out to be a no-show for most of the episode.
Fortunately, a guest appearance by touring partner and fellow Bravolebrity Kandi Burruss and some good clean go karting fun took Kim’s mind off her girl troubles, and reminded her why she was marrying her man, Kroy, in the first place.
10. Alexis, the assistant wedding planner: “You’re drinking already?!”
Kim: “I’m drinking a glass of wine at 12 in the f***ing afternoon because I saw this tent. NO. This is not going to work.”
Poor Alexis. You must be new here.
9. Kim: “This has got to go. I hate this tent.”
Kim’s assistant, Niki: “This is totally … on crack!”
Sweetie you are not, Niki. Leave the funny to Kim.
8. Kim, discussing the theme of her naked photo shoot: “I want to incorporate Kroy’s jersey — have it painted on my naked body and take a picture. Now that is f***ing sexy.”
Pretending to wear clothes is almost like wearing them, right? Kim must be growing up!
7. Kim, on Jen’s bridal shower absence: “Your friends came all the way from Montana. My friend couldn’t come ten minutes up the f***ing street.”
To be fair, most people would use any excuse to get out of Montana.
6. Jen, at Kim’s naked photoshoot: Holy $#*! Put your knockers away!
Um, know your audience, Jen.
5. Kim, on being blindfolded and surprised by her wedding party: “I wasn’t expecting a bridal shower. I thought they were driving me somewhere south of the border.”
Are those two things mutually exclusive? Sounds like the direction of a great bridal shower to us.
4. Kim: “This photoshoot is the last thing on my mind. But i’m so damn sexy — I just say cheese.”
Way to smile through the pain, Kim.
3. Kim’s assistant, Niki: “Funerals and weddings always bring out the worst in people.”
Wise words, Niki. Although we haven’t quite decided whether to mourn or celebrate at this one just yet.
2. Kathy, Kroy’s mother, presenting her bridal shower gift to Kim: This is from Grandma. It’s apple butter!
Call us crazy, but we’ll take the apple butter over some uncomfortably tight lingerie any day ...
1. Jen, on cleaning Kim up after her photo shoot: “We could just take you out back and spray you off.
Kim: “I’m not a dog.”
Jen: “It’d be a great photo opp!”
Granted, that wouldn’t be a totally constructive way to settle their differences, but it would make for a great wedding picture.