It's time for our weekly dose of insanity — here's what went down on Season 5, Episode 12 of The Real Housewives of Atlanta. Let's do this!
Introducing the Stallion Booty
Tonight's events start off with Cynthia Bailey taking on the role of judge for an extravagant hair show. If anyone knows weaves, it's definitely Cynthia.
Attending the soiree is Cynthia's former nemesis-slash-sudden new bestie, Kenya Moore, who reveals that she is planning to release a booty video of her own. Unlike Phaedra Parks' Donkey Booty, however, Kenya promises a "stallion" booty, which apparently is better.
Kenya goes on to suggest that Phaedra's famous rear isn't looking so hot now that she's had a baby, to which we say, Oh, hell no! As proven during the trip to Anguilla, Phaedra's trunk is looking solid, so Kenya better respect the Donk!
That being said, we can't help but agree with Kenya when she ponders why anyone would want to look like a donkey. Touché, Miss U.S.A. Then again, stallions are male by definition, so we're not sure if Kenya is trying to tell us something by declaring herself one.
The Donk Thickens ...
A few days later, when Kandi Burruss goes to get her straight hair even more straight, her hairdresser Derek is happy to pass on the news that Kenya is ready to trot forward with her stallion video. "You damn lying," Kandi says, before grabbing her phone and speed-dialing Phaedra stat. Naturally, Phaedra's pissed as all hell, and claims Kenya has a Six Flags Scream Machine booty filled with lumps and bumps, whatever those are.
Later, as Cynthia rehearses a bunch of kid models for an upcoming charity runway event, Phaedra shows up with little Ayden and runs into Porsha Stewart, who also brings the booty competition situation to Phaedra's attention. Porsha's annoyed that no one believed her when she told them Kenya was crazytown, Phaedra thinks Kenya may suffer from either a drinking problem, a mental problem, or both, and Cynthia thinks it's wrong for Phaedra to suggest that Kenya is bipolar. Has Cynthia forgotten the gone with the wind exit so soon?
Meanwhile, Kandi's definitely Team Phaedra in the great booty debate and lets Kenya know how she feels. Specifically, that Kenya is totally ripping off Phaedra's idea. Kenya responds by letting her crazies out, as Kandi slowly backs away.
Phaedra Breaks Out the Big Guns
Now that she knows Kenya's out to get her, Phaedra seeks out the best in the business to produce her butt DVD, the same people who are responsible for Jane Fonda's workout VHS tapes. (For those of you under the age of 50, Jane Fonda was, like, the queen of the workout vid, and VHS tapes are these rectangular things people used to stick in VCRs. Just Google VCR if you're still confused.)
During the meeting, Apollo gets up to do some awkward hip-thrusting moves, while Phaedra blatantly asks if they're gonna do the video or not. Now that's how to get it done right there.
The End Conclusion
It's the day of Cynthia's charity kids' fashion show, and the rugrats are looking fierce! Seriously, this is the best runway show ever. Of course, little Ayden is too important to walk and is instead carried down the runway on his father's shoulder. Well, at least it's not like he was carried in on a raised platform like some sort of Pharaoh. Oh, right, that was his first birthday.
Anyway, following the show, Kenya brings NeNe Leakes (who's back in ATL this week) up to speed on the booty wars. NeNe concurs that donkeys aren't cute. Just then, Phaedra joins the circle of ladies.
After a few silent rounds of stare-downs and eye-squints, Kenya declares to Phaedra her intentions to do her own workout video. Phaedra's like that's messed up, Kenya's like too bad, NeNe's like who the hell wants a donkey-ass anyway. When Phaedra points out that stallions are men, Kenya counters that donkeys are asses. Point well made, once again, Ms. Moore.
But when Apollo calls her a copycat, she snaps back that she'll be copycatting her check all the way to the bank, before thanking her "audience," twirling, and exiting stage right. Craziness proven, once again, Ms. Moore.
Do you think Kenya is blatantly stealing Phaedra's idea?
Next week, Kenya puts on a big hat and baffles us even further. Will you be tuning in?