The ladies continue their vacation in Punta Cana this week, while Teresa and Kathy continue their petty argument. Still, Teresa wasn't about to let Kathy bring her down, especially not in her gold-cutout superhero outfit.
Besides, we have more pressing things to worry about, like determining which of the two Joes is shorter. Verdict: They're the same exact height.
That being said, Teresa's brother definitely gets the bigger tool honors for suggesting that they do a "real" test as he unzipped his pants.
Eh, it's all in good fun — group hug!
Later, Joe tries to get in a quickie in the shower with Melissa, romancing her with this winning line: "If you do it right it takes three seconds."
Somehow, Melissa was able to resist his charming advances by repeatedly telling him no and then shrieking like a schoolgirl when he ends up flashing Chris and Albie who came to pick him up for a day of golfing. Ready to swing some balls around, fellas?
Meanwhile, Teresa drags the women to a meat market in search of inspiration for her Italian-Latin fusion cookbook.
Faced with cow heads and freshly-killed chickens, the ladies teeter around the streets on their Gucci heels, screaming at the top of their lungs.
Also worth noting, and highly alarming, Teresa doesn't know the difference between semolina and salmonella. Yeah, her cooking venture is gonna do well.
That evening, the whole clan hits up a habachi joint for a big, last-night dinner, complete with a little competition for the women of course — the crowning of the Punta Princess.
The three categories are style, creativity, and intellect. Teresa takes style for managing to still look put together with only eight suitcases of clothes instead of nine.
Creativity went to Kathy for the matching rings ... like, seriously, she matched a jewel to her shirt, so creative!
So, Melissa has to get the intellect question correct in order for there to be a three-way tie leading to a sudden death. But the guys throw a real toughie out there, asking the women who the vice president is, and of the United States, no less. Really, this is like Jeopardy! hard.
Naturally, the women are stumped. Bill Clinton? His wife? White guy with the gray hair? Getting closer ... Dick Chaney! Oh, wait, nope. Finally, Melissa pulls it out — Biden!
For the sudden death question, Melissa answers that Cairo is in Antarctica. Yep, we have a winner, people. In all seriousness, wow.
As the gang heads back to Jersey for the Black Water launch party (why is this water black? why?), Teresa's missing luggage shows up. Yay.
Anyway, after a shaky rehearsal, a crappy soundcheck, and a wise decision to nix live tigers (don't ask), a smokin' hot Melissa totally rocks her performance!
Meanwhile, (jealous?) Teresa pipes that the only thing on display is Melissa's cleavage — talk about the pot calling the water black. You know, because it's the Black Water party? Never mind.
Overall, a fantastic evening for the Jersey-ites, with Teresa even apologizing to Kathy and temporarily calling a truce... for now.
Tune in next week for our recap of The Real Housewives of New Jersey season finale ! And, don't forget, The Real Housewives of Atlanta return in all of their glorious insanity on November 6.