Credit: Bravo Photo: Andy Cohen and Kim Zolciak on RHoA Reunion

Tonight's first part of the Atlanta reunion started with a little montage of the ladies' assets — in other words, some good, old-fashioned T&A, people. Oh, and one contoured nose. After confirming that Shereé and Phaedra both have certified donkey booties, Cynthia defended her own badonkadonk. When Andy Cohen asked her to comment on the women's reactions to her body — including Phaedra's lovely description of "pretzel dipped in cottage cheese" — Cynthia pointed out that she's 43, she looks damn good, and she'd love to see the rest of the housewives hit the runway in bathing suits. Touché, girl! Meanwhile, Kim once again insisted that she's only 32. Some more honest housewives, like Cynthia and Kandi, admitted to having lipo done like NeNe.

Moving on...

Up first in the hot seat was Kim and her merry-go-round of Season 3 lovers, from Big Poppa to DJ Tracy to her Baby Daddy Kroy. NeNe pretty much rolled her eyes nonstop, and when Andy asked her if she thought Kim and Kroy's relationship will last, she said she really couldn't care less. NeNe did allow a satisfied smirk, however, when one of the viewer questions addressed the possibility of Big Poppa being the, well, the big poppa. Of course, Kim laughed off the suggestion, and we actually believe her. We also believe she quit smoking. As far as whether or not Kroy makes enough bucks for Kim, the wiggy blonde blissfully said that she has everything now. Awww.

Sensing no good dramz with Zolciak, Andy moved on to someone a bit more controversial... the recent bride, of course! What did Cynthia think about her mother and sister conspiring against her, toying with the idea of denying her the marriage certificate? Well, not much it turns out. She was shocked and Peter was hurt and all, but Cynthia knew they were coming from a good place. Um, what? We'd be furious! She did, however, sign a prenup! That's kinda juicy?

Next, Andy turned the focus on Phaedra, which turned into a debate between NeNe and Phaedra about whether or not they actually knew each other back in Athens. After a bunch of back and forth, where Phaedra slyly implied that NeNe is older than she claims, NeNe insisted she never knew Phaedra or her brother. We have one question: does anyone really care whether or not NeNe and Phaedra knew each other? Anyway, the two women got into a bit of a showdown over the meaning of fabulous (yeah, it was weird), with Phaedra definitely making NeNe look like a fool several times, without NeNe even realizing it. Awesome. The one thing that is very clear is that NeNe does not like Phaedra because Phaedra is hilarious, and as we learned this season, NeNe does not appreciate people stealing her spotlight.

At this point, though, the spotlight did turn on NeNe and her pending divorce. Supposedly, Gregg is in the process of moving out and NeNe has forgiven him for his betrayal. Also seeing its final days is NeNe's 'ship with her gusband, Dwight. Surprisingly, NeNe didn't trash talk either man; she even turned down the opportunity to out Gregg as a cheater (although not denying it was pretty much confirming it). One of the questions for NeNe was whether or not she's ever dated a white guy, since she mentioned that would be her next move during the season — she has not, but once she's single, she's open to dating all males, including Andy Cohen. Good luck with that, boo.

Speaking of biracial 'ships, the next topic of conversation was Kim and Sweetie. Oh, boy, this is gonna get ugly. Yep, it's the bus ride from hell all over again. Next thing we know NeNe and Kim are screaming over each other, and we can't make out a damn word, except NeNe's last sentence: "I don't do well with verbal abuse." Right, she's more into physical abuse.

In a nutshell, this first hour of the reunion was fairly uneventful until the last five minutes, as well as a bit disturbing, considering Phaedra came out sounding the smartest of the bunch. Kandi's new hair looked awesome, though.