Top 10 Quotes From the Bethenny Ever After Season 3 Premiere: “Jason’s Penis Has Cobwebs on It.”

After a Bethenny-free few months, the sassy skinny girl is back with those biting one-liners and hilarious sayings. Here’s our countdown of the top 10 quotes from Bethenny Ever After Season 3, Episode 1: "Mo’ Money, Mo’ Problems."

10. Bethenny: “I should go to celebrity school … My whole wazu is always showing when I’m getting out of a car, with my underwear.”

At least she wears underwear.

9. Nick: “Do you have any cool things you want to do with me?
Bethenny: “That’s naughty, Nick. There are a lot of cool things I want to do with you, but I’m married.”

Bethenny’s mind is always in the gutter. What can we say, she’s a girl after our own hearts.

8. Bethenny: “I’m running an empire and we don’t have a seat for every ass!”

To be fair, seats are overrated.

7. Bethenny, at Health Magazine shoot: “This is camel toe pose.”

We bet Kate Moss uses that one all the time.

6. Bethenny: “It’s cliche, but you’re so much less concerned with romantic bubble baths, and lingerie with your husband, because your kid just took a sh*t on the floor.”

After taking a sh*t on the floor, someone is going to need a bubble bath.

5. Bethenny: “Jason’s penis has cobwebs on it.”  

You guys never have sex, we get it.

4. Lisa Lampanelli: “Jimmy [Lisa’s husband] washes his enormous ball sack and that’s all he does.”

See Bethenny, check out what you have to look forward to.

3. Bethenny: "I do think it would be exceeding Jackie’s job description to ask her to come over to Lisa Lampanelli’s house and hoist up Jimmy Big Balls’ sack, but I did say no two days were the same.”

At least you gave her a heads up...

2. Bethenny: “This closet says, ‘You’ve come nowhere, you’ve done nothing, you’re exactly where you were.’ My closet needs to say, ‘Mama, you have arrived.’”

That’s a lot of pressure to put on a closet, but we bet Bethenny’s dozens of pairs of Louboutins could help out.

1. Bethenny: “If you were shooting diamonds out of your penis, I wouldn’t be having sex five times a week. And I like diamonds.”

So, four times a week then?