It's time for a recap of the most shocking Real Housewives of Orange County episode of the season, with the ladies celebrating Tamra Barney's bachelorette party on Season 8, Episode 11. So hop up on the hood of the nearest taxi cab, be careful what straw you use, and don't ask your daughter to pick out your bachelorette gift for you.
Three Strikes and
You're Out Urine
The episode picks up from last week's, with Tamra joined by Vicki Gunvalson and Lydia McLaughlin in the wilds of Puerto Vallarta. They make it to Andale's, where they down their drinks and hop up on the bar. Meanwhile, Heather Dubrow and Gretchen Rossi are fuming about being ditched back in the limo, leading Gretchen to spill Lauri's secrets about Vicki to Heather before they head to the hotel in a cab. This can't end well.
Finally, Tamra, Vicki, and Lydia join the others at the hotel. Heather is none to pleased about getting left behind, but Gretchen is even more livid and explodes when a clearly tipsy Vicki and Tamra can't keep from holding in their laughter. And speaking of not holding things in, Tamra realizes that Vicki left behind a tiny pee puddle on her bed. These ladies are always getting pissed off, but not usually in this way.
The next day, they hop into a limo to see a matador demonstation at a bull ring, and we agree with Lydia that this is a surprising choice for a bachelorette party. The matador doesn't kill the bull, but the ladies almost kill each other in the limo, especially when Gretchen and Heather hear Lydia refer to last night's bar trip as the highlight of the trip. Gretchen calls Vicki a hypocrite, followed by a "f**kin' bitch." Talk about seeing red.
Whip It Good
Back at the pool, tempers seem to have subdued a bit, as Gretchen gives each of the girls a goodie bag — although Vicki is right to notice that the bags are full of Gretchen's own beauty line. Way to seize the moment, G. And suddenly, the ladies lose their cool again, with Vicki getting jealous when Tamra and Gretchen leave her behind. Vicki blames Gretchen for her issues with Tamra, while Gretchen calls Vicki out for having insecurities.
Gretchen leaves the group, saying she wants to "kill a bitch" (yikes!). Tamra walks over and calms her down, and she tells Gretchen that Vicki referred to last night's bar excursion as her plan having "worked." Tamra then explains that she herself pushes people away because her parents didn't know how to love, leading to her contemplate suicide at age 12. Heavy stuff.
After we see Alexis and Jim go on a dinner date — with Alexis trying to convince him to have baby number four — we're back to Mexico for stripper night. The girls give their gifts to Tamra, leading to Heather giving our favorite quote of the night: "Who wouldn't want a blinged-out whip?" Our thoughts exactly, Heather. And what exactly Briana wanted Eddie to do with that gift of Vicki's, we don't want to know.
So. Many. Penises.
Lydia politely excuses herself after dinner — wise move, Lydia! — just before the male strippers arrive. Then, things get truly wild, with a stripper putting his head in between Tamra's legs — good call on the Febreze, Heather! — and Gretchen holding something that she probably shouldn't have been holding. Let's just say that we can understand why Tamra wanted the girls to all take that pregnancy test at the end of the night.
All in all, it was an insane episode, between the disputes and then the disrobing. We're thankful that Gretchen had the discretion to not attack Vicki with Lauri's secrets, although she probably shouldn't have told Heather about them. And we'd like to think that Vicki and Gretchen can maintain the sense of civility that they had at the end of the episode, but we're having our doubts.
Also, we sense some friction beginning to occur between Lydia and Tamra, with Tamra calling her out for being willing to dance on the bar but not to see strippers. Still, we're impressed that Lydia was able to enjoy herself while staying away from the naked fray. True, Lydia probably shouldn't have referred to the bar outing as the highlight of the trip, but nobody's perfect. And speaking of not being perfect, the less said about that pee puddle, the better.
So we're not sure if any episode can ever top this week's chaos, but we're looking forward to next week's showdown between Heather and Alexis. In the meantime, if anyone needs us, we'll be on the hood of a cab.