We finally find out what happens when Lauri's rumors snowball out of control in our recap of Real Housewives of Orange County Season 8, Episode 14. So grab your blinged-out Bible, invite over a handsome uncle, and watch a movie in bed!

Shine Bright Like a Diamond Bible

The episode begins with the girls preparing to go on a ski trip with Lydia McLaughlin in Whistler. For Alexis Bellino, this apparently means giving Lydia a Swarovski Bible. We're guessing that Alexis's mantra is: What would Jesus bedazzle?

Things get tense in the bus to the airport, with Heather Dubrow explaining about leaving early to shoot Malibu Country. Heather tells the group that Gretchen Rossi wasn't offered a part and that the show doesn't even film on Fridays. Hmm. Gretchen claims she wasn't lying, while Heather makes it clear that no one was offered a role except for her. We get it, Heather.

They all arrive at the hotel, where we learn that Gretchen doesn't know the difference between a canoe and a bobsled. Lydia invites over her seriously easy-on-the-eyes uncle, Greg. The ladies want Vicki Gunvalson  and her dimple to date him, but alas, he has a girlfriend (and an ex-girlfriend, apparently). This leads to Vicki saying one of the most hilariously confusing lines of the night: "I’m gonna pick up my own dating people." Uh, what's a dating person, Vick?

Credit: Bravo

Lessons? We Don't Need No Stinkin' Lessons

We get some (brief) levity on the ski slopes, with Tamra Barney and Vicki quickly getting bored of the rudimentary ski lesson and wanting to head to the top of the slope with the others. So much for Vicki's supposed expertise with her high school ski team, as she and Tamra both have their faces in the snow in no time. 

And speaking of getting red in the face, that happens for a reason that has nothing to do with the temperature. After finishing skiing, Tamra  having debated throughout the episode whether to tell Vicki what Gretchen said about Vicki's threesome  finally tells Vicki about the threesome rumor. Vicki says she wants to strangle Gretchen — although we assume the only thing Gretchen wants around her neck is that new scarf of hers.

Vicki confronts Gretchen about spreading the rumor, which Gretchen says Lauri only told her this to prove that Vicki is "hypocritical." Vicki says the threesome thing is untrue but admits to being unfaithful to Donn, which Gretchen is happy to finally hear Vicki admit. Then, Vicki and Gretchen dredge up old issues, with Vicki again going after Gretchen for supposedly having an affair. Can't we stay focused on one issue at a time, ladies?

Things Heat Up in the Cold Weather

Finally, Lauri joins the ladies, and now Vicki is just about losing it. She screams that she has never had multiple partners and was only watching a movie  fully clothed!  with two other people in bed when Lydia saw her. Lauri says she never claimed Vicki had sex but says the other rumors are true, including about the Greek guy and the airplane guy. Finally, Vicki storms off and tells Lauri not to come to dinner.

Once Lydia and Alexis are done making snow angels, Lydia chastises Gretchen for spreading rumors about Vicki, but Gretchen is steamed because she doesn't think Lydia knows the whole story. And so the Gretchen-Lydia rift continues.

Wow  what a seriously crazy episode, right? For starters, we appreciate Heather wanting to clear the air with Gretchen about Malibu Country, but we think Heather sounded a bit too proud of the fact that she got the part and the other ladies didn't. And we wish Lauri would stop nitpicking about whether she actually said Vicki had a threesome, since she clearly wanted Gretchen to think that. Plus, the fact that Tamra has made nice with so many of the ladies makes us wish that Vicki and Gretchen could eventually patch things up, too  but that probably won't happen.

So we can't wait for the follow-up of the trip next week. In the meantime, if anyone needs us to help them find a dating person, just let us know.