It's time for verbal acrobatics and actual acrobatics on this week's Real Housewives of Beverly Hills recap! So bury a crystal in your backyard, don't jump on anyone, and be careful about whose hair you fix.
Burying the Hatchet — and the Crystal
The episode begins with Brandi Glanville going lingerie shopping with Carlton Gebbia, which somehow leads to Brandi grabbing Carlton's boob. Uh, sure. Carlton offers to help Brandi find a man by telling her to bury a crystal in the backyard, and Brandi is surprisingly willing to try this out. Let's just say that we don't think Kyle Richards — who seems skeptical of Carlton's faith — would be at all interested in burying crystals.
Kyle and husband Mauricio accompany Joyce Giraud and her husband for a fancy dinner, although we're guessing that a "pizzette" isn't quite as exotic as Joyce thought it would be. It's just a small pizza, Joyce! Kyle and Joyce bond over having to deal with tough tabloid rumors, particularly with Kyle and Mauricio struggling with the recent cheating rumors.
Kim Richards decides that she and her pals should be in physical peril along with just emotional peril, so she signs them up for Cirque School. Hang on tight — and we don't just mean that as a metaphor.
Who's Being "Rude"?
Lisa Vanderpump's adorable husband Ken decides to surprise Lisa with a new puppy, Picachu, and Lisa couldn't be happier about the new pet! Looks like Giggy has a little competish for Lisa's affections. And Lisa also says the words "butt sex" tonight far more often than we're guessing she's said it in her whole life.
The ladies arrive for Cirque School, where Brandi tells Kim that paparazzi asked her about Kyle calling her a "bully." Brandi is hurt that her kids had to hear this, as Brandi feels that she was helping Kyle by giving her a heads-up about the Mauricio cheating rumors.
Kim then makes a long introductory speech about leaving the drama at the door today. But when Yolanda Foster interjects, Kim quickly calls her "rude," and so Brandi defends Yolanda. And here we thought the only sweat-inducing behavior would take place on the gymnastics mats. Clearly, Kim and Yolanda haven't moved on from last season's issues.
How's My Hair?
After the ladies have fun with the workout, Brandi tells Lisa and Yolanda about the "bully" comment. Yolanda says the "bully" word shouldn't be used lightly. But when Kyle overhears the situation, she denies ever having said the word. Then, there's an eternal pause, as no one says anything. We're just relieved that no one purposely jumped on each other during that roll-jump move.
The ladies meet for drinks, but things quickly get heated. Lisa and Brandi want Kyle to dismiss the "bully" rumor by tweeting that she didn't say that word, but Kyle says she's too busy dealing with Mauricio's rumors. In fact, Kyle says Brandi shouldn't have brought up the cheating rumors at Lisa's lunch last week, which irritates Brandi.
Things get even weirder when Joyce pulls Lisa aside and tells her she was being rude last week when she brushed off Joyce's effort to fix her hair. Wait, that's the big issue Joyce wants to discuss? Brandi confirms having told Joyce that Lisa was being "snappy," but Brandi then asks Joyce if she's on her period right now. Burn!
Our Overall Thoughts
Look, we really want to like Joyce, and she does seem sweet at times. But is she kidding by lecturing Lisa about not wanting her hair to get fixed? It does sound like Lisa may have been a wee bit curt, but Joycereally needs to let it go. Bringing that up makes Joyce seem more than a little childish.
As for the "bully" comment, we believe Kyle that she didn't say it, but Brandi may have a point about one of Kyle's friends possibly using the word. Then again, Brandi shouldn't have brought up the cheating rumors at the lunch last week, so we can see why Kyle doesn't want to completely absolve Brandi of any sins. All in all, the fact that Kyle and Brandi are friends now is baffling, since they were clearly not close during this episode.
Now, we can't wait for next week, with Lisa and Kyle's drama getting worse, not to mention Carlton's cat getting acupuncture. And by the way, if anyone wants to fix our hair, they can go right ahead.