It was a night of retail therapy and actual therapy on tonight’s episode of The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills. The episode, “Adrienne’s Fashion Show,” begins with Lisa Vanderpump arriving late to see daughter Pandora’s wedding invitations. (Perhaps Kim Richards' perpetual tardiness is rubbing off on Lisa?) Our advice? Try not to think about all the things you can buy with the $15,000 that Lisa spent on those invitations. (You’re thinking about it, aren’t you? We just told you not to!)
We meet the
mad scientist bartender who is responsible for selecting drinks for the wedding. For most people, making a drink for Lisa to try would be a relatively simple endeavor; for this bartender, it inexplicably involves dry ice for some reason, which then causes so much steam that we thought we were watching one of David Copperfield’s fog machine-filled magic shows. And who wouldn’t want tons of noxious fumes at their wedding?
Then, we move on to Taylor and Russell Armstrong's marriage counseling session. Their therapist Charlie first points out that Russell hasn’t shown up in a while, and then he asks Taylor how she can know that the two of them still love each other. Charlie calls Russell out when he — while listing the problems in their marriage — neglects to mention his anger. Charlie then asks Russell if he’s aware of when he’s getting angry, and Russell silently nods. Talk about tough to watch.
With Taylor and Russell (barely) holding hands, Taylor wells up when explaining how badly she wants to hold onto the marriage. Charlie then calls her “immature” for wanting to wipe their slate clean, and he addresses the need for self-control. And then, suddenly, Russell announces that he has a meeting and needs to go, and it abprupty ends.
Brandi Glanville and Kyle Richards meet for manicures (sans Taylor), as Kyle has resolved to stop saying mean things to Brandi and instead decides to
silently judge her be polite to her. Brandi wants to throw a party in which a porn star teaches the ladies how to give the perfect, ahem, "bj" (i.e., a subject that isn’t covered by the “For Dummies” book series). And if you hadn’t already guessed, Kyle tells her, “Thanks, but hell no no thanks.”
Then it’s time for Adrienne’s elaborate fashion show event, in which she’ll be unveiling her new shoe line to support a women’s charity called Step Up. Adrienne has been developing this shoe line for quite some time, and frankly, we're suprised the busy businesswoman even has time for it! Then again, being surprised that Adrienne has started a new business venture is like being surprised when another new cat video shows up on the Internet. (In other words, it’s inevitable.)
Taylor and Russell ride in a limo with Mauricio and Kyle to the event, and Taylor basically cannot stop talking about how she doesn’t want to see Camille Grammer. Taylor also seems surprised and not entirely pleased that Russell is attending the event with her, as if she’s somehow questioning his motives.
Adrienne has spent about as much time preparing for her fashion show as most cities spend preparing to host the Olympic games, but she’s still unbelievably stressed out. She’s even panicking about the valet situation, even though she is informed that there will be 19 valets present. Not even a typical Nascar race has that many drivers!
The charity event finally begins and goes off without a hitch. But then again, this wouldn’t be a party on this show if there weren’t at least some kind of tension. And sure enough, just as Lisa enters, Adrienne pulls her aside to tell her she’s hurt that Pandora’s party won’t be held at the Palms. Lisa tries to explain that she thought it would seem like an imposition to Adrienne, but Adrienne isn’t buying it.
Did someone say “tension”? Well, Lisa-Adrienne had nothing on Taylor-Camille. Luckily, they had the common sense not to hash things out at Adrienne’s, but they probably were hoping not to run into each other, which they ended up doing outside of the bathroom. You know things are awkward when someone makes a weird comment about a party going on inside the bathroom, and that’s the least awkward thing that could have been said.
And then it’s time to show off Adrienne’s new shoe line, as the runway models strut their stuff. The only thing is, when the models take to the runway, they’re all wearing long dresses, so not a single person can see the shoes. The models might as well have been going barefoot.
So it was another angst-filled episode, and it looks as though things will boil over at Brandi’s party next week, judging by the promo. In the meantime, we could use a drink. Hold the steam, please.