It was a night of broken chandeliers and broken relationships on tonight’s episode of The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills. And you know how people’s grandmas often buy them socks for Christmas? Well, we learned about a certain type of sock tonight that we’re hoping no one’s grandmother has ever picked out for them!
First up, Taylor Armstrong meets up with Lisa Vanderpump for pizza at Villa Blanca and recounts the horrors of Brandi Glanville’s belly-dancing party for Lisa. However, Taylor’s memory of the night is hazy from all the wine she had. Perhaps this helps explain why she was so out of control. (But one image that even Taylor couldn’t forget? Kyle Richards doing the splits yet again!)
We also learn that Lisa is taking Taylor with her to Vegas for Pandora’s bachelorette party. (Apparently, strippers have a magical way of bringing anyone together.) So now Lisa and Taylor are besties? It seems that friendships on this show change faster than the weather.
Also having their own discussion of that crazy party are Brandi, Camille Grammer, and D.D. Whitt. Brandi says it seemed like Taylor couldn’t control her own body, like the girl from The Exorcist. (Thankfully, we didn’t have to see any projectile vomiting at the party.) Meanwhile, they’re resentful that Lisa and Taylor are suddenly hanging out, which they feel makes Lisa seem like she’s saving the day. What can we say? Lisa is like teflon!
Adrienne Maloof and Paul Nassif are about to film an episode of The Doctors, in which they’ll discuss staying healthy amidst the pressure of being a power couple. Uh, perhaps someone can then explain to us why, moments before discussing healthy eating, we see Paul chowing down on some chocolate baked good. Adrienne didn't seem amused.
Kyle was unable to join Lisa in Vegas because she’s preparing for her annual white party, which means picking out a new chandelier with Faye “Butterfingers” Resnick. They look at options with the event planner (or is it whipping boy?) Glenn, and a special chandelier is proffered from the back — which Faye promptly breaks, to the tune of $750. Gulp. (And that’s why we do all our light-fixture shopping at Target.)
Lisa joins Pandora for wedding-dress shopping, and when we hear Pandora say that her dress needs more diamonds, we think to ourselves, “Yep, that’s definitely Lisa's daughter!” Then they arrive in Vegas with Taylor and Pandora’s friends, and everyone scopes out their swanky Planet Hollywood digs. (However, we’re guessing Lisa and Taylor didn’t spend much time with that foosball table.)
It’s here that we see Lisa and Taylor get some nice bonding time in, as the two discuss their kids. Cuteness alert: Taylor mentions that Kennedy helped make 40 cupcakes for her 40th birthday! So adorable.
Kyle is working on a book all about her life and her passions, so it’s time to do a photo shoot for the book’s cover. There aren’t many people who could manage to look quite that glamorous while lounging on a table next to a bunch of dirty dishes, but Kyle is one of those people. We’re just hoping no one else ate that cheese platter after her dog found it.
Lisa and Taylor aren’t the only ones spending a weekend getaway in Vegas, as Adrienne has invited Camille, Brandi, and Dana Wilkey to the Palms with her. She also invited Kim, but Kim claims to have injured her neck, which the women have trouble believing. (Kim was also supposed to attend Kyle’s photo shoot but is a no-show.)
But the girls still have a blast, as they shake their moneymakers on the dance floor. Of course, anyone who watched Season 1 knows that Camille is not someone to turn down an opportunity to shake it on a Vegas dance floor. Then again, these ladies even make bowling look sexy, and that’s not an easy task.
Speaking of sexy, it’s time for Lisa and Taylor to meet some male strippers! They’re introduced to the Chippendale beefcakes backstage, where the dancers explain that they wear a “you-know-what sock,” in an effort leave at least something to the imagination. We’ve never known Lisa to be a knitting fan, but suddenly she was volunteering her services to help with the socks. How altruistic of her!
Then, it was time for the actual show, which involved the guys throwing their clothes into the audience — nice catch, Lisa! — to reveal glow-in-the-dark briefs (but what person doesn’t own a pair of those?). And then Pandora, Taylor, and Lisa get pulled onstage to compete in a lap-dance contest. Lisa is crowned the winner, and for someone who claims to only put out on Ken’s birthdays, she hardly seems to be a novice at the art of seduction! (Translation: Watch your backs, Pussycat Dolls.)
The episode had been a fairly upbeat and carefree one — that is, until Kim meets up for a heart-to-heart with Kyle as she’s shopping. Kim explains that her kids Brooke and Kimberly aren’t happy that Kim has moved in with boyfriend Ken Blumenfeld, and they think Ken is keeping her from them. Meanwhile, Kim is tired of being alone, so she’s devastated that her first relationship in 18 years is tearing her family apart. At this, Kim starts bawling uncontrollably, with Kyle hugging her.
This was a really tough scene, since Kim is someone — for all her kooky personality traits — who really does deserve happiness, and who has had to suffer with loneliness for far too long. It’s true that Kyle had reservations about Ken, so we’re at least glad that Kyle didn’t have an “I told you so” attitude. If nothing else, this scene was a nice reminder that the two sisters do care for each other, deep down. We just wish Kim were on a happier path.
So we saw quite the roller-coaster episode tonight, from lap dances to tears. After all of this, we could use a snack. Anyone want to split forty cupcakes?