Credit: Bravo Photo: Taylor Armstrong Calls Kyle and Lisa on RHoBH Season 2, Episode 17

Real Housewives of Beverly Hills Season 2, Episode 18 may not have aired on a Wednesday, but it was still “hump” day — according to Lisa Vanderpump, that is. Here’s a fun drinking game while you watch the episode: Take a sip whenever Kim Richards gets all philosophical with her favorite line of the night, “Everything happens for a reason.” Just make sure to take small sips — she says it a lot.

The episode, “A Day Late, an Apology Short,” picks up in Hawaii, with Adrienne Maloof and Paul Nassif sharing a rare romantic moment as they walk near the water. But of course, since this is Adrienne and Paul we’re talking about, they still manage to bicker about whether there are snakes.

Kim and her boyfriend Ken have finally arrived in Hawaii, although they probably could have made it there faster by swimming. Kyle Richards isn’t thrilled that Kim has been placed in the room next door, but frankly, we’re not sure why Kyle is surprised that the hotel would put two members of the same party in adjacent rooms. Seems like common sense to us, no?

Last week, Kim’s excuse for being so late for the flight was that her license had expired, but tonight, she was singing a different tune, claiming that Ken had to work. (Way to make Ken take the fall!) However, Mauricio isn’t convinced, bringing up the fact that Ken is retired (oops!). Who knew Ken was such a workaholic?

Credit: Bravo Photo: Brandi Glanville Teases Lisa's Husband With Her Teeny Weenie Bikini on RHoBH Season 2, Episode 17

Dinner continues to get awkward, with Adrienne and Paul sticking their tongues down each other’s’ throats, and then Kim telling Ken to rub her all night long. (Please give us a minute while we puke. Okay, we're good.) Then, Mauricio makes a toast to telling the truth, with Kim responding that this isn’t a dinner table conversation. A note to Kim: Did you think that mentioning wanting to get rubbed all night was appropriate dinner conversation?

Apparently, all that talk of rubbing really made Kim and Ken exhausted, as they’re sound asleep the next morning, making everyone late for a private boat ride. Kyle then channels Dog the Bounty Hunter, deciding to track Ken and Kyle down herself, and so she and Lisa sneak onto Kim’s porch and bang on her glass door. Then again, it would have been a lot stealthier if Lisa hadn’t gotten stuck in the wall. (In other words, Lisa shouldn’t expect a call from the Mission: Impossible team anytime soon.)

Kim and Ken drive to docks just in time to see the boat leaving without them, which Kyle regrets but feels was the right decision. As for the people on the boat, Lisa and Adrienne decide that snorkeling is not their thing. Meanwhile, Brandi Glanville’s bikini almost falls off, although the amount of coverage that she’s getting from that bikini is equivalent to the amount of protection afforded by a cocktail umbrella in the rain.

Back at the hotel, Ken and Kim sit near the room and enjoy a leisurely lunch, as Ken tells her that he’ll no longer stand idly by if anyone attacks her. Then, we hear Kim tell us that she and Ken have each other’s backs, even if they don’t stay together for much longer. Sounds like she’s already eyeing an exit strategy from this relationship.

The strangest moment of the episode comes once everyone has returned from the boat trip. Paul and Adrienne are eager to hear how happy Kim is with Ken, and then Ken suddenly storms up to them and says he’s “not a fan of it,” assuming they’ve been dissing him or insulting Kim — it’s not really clear which. Uh, okay. Paranoid, much? The three other people are all rightfully shocked, and Paul assures Ken they’ve actually been complimenting him. Ken relaxes, but we’re guessing Paul wants to rescind that “He seems like a nice guy” comment he made seconds before Ken barged into their conversation.

 

Credit: Bravo Photo: Taylor Armstrong Talks With Her Therapist on RHoBH Season 2, Episode 17

At dinner, Kyle is bewildered that Ken and Kim didn’t at least spend some of their day at the beach or the pool, and then Kyle asks again why they missed the flight. At this point, Kim criticizes Kyle’s driving skills (thanks for staying on topic, Kim), Ken says he and Kim “don’t care” about anyone else, and then the two storm off. Lisa then tells Kyle that Kim is never going to change. (And is it just us, or does Kim’s nickname for Kyle — "The Eggbeater" — make you kinda hungry?)

So it was certainly an up-and-down trip Hawaii, with old feuds revving up, not to mention Ken managing to win over approximately zero people. (Among the lone good news? Brandi seems to have found a wisecracking kindred spirit in Lisa!) And things were tough back on the mainland, too, with Taylor Armstrong tearfully breaking the news to Dana Wilkey that she had left husband Russell, after not feeling like herself for the past six months. 

Long story short, we're just hoping that, before next week’s episode airs, we’ll have managed to get the sound of Lisa constantly using the word “humping” out of our heads. In the meantime, we could use a snack. Anyone for scrambled eggs?

 

Credit: Bravo Photo: Sneak Peek Video for Real Housewives of Beverly Hills Season 2, Episode 18: Kim Makes up a Story