Was there a letter or wasn’t there? In our Real Housewives of Beverly Hills recap of Season 3, Episode 13, the ladies tee off at Lisa Vanderpump’s tea party. So it’s time to pose for a few nude photos, hide your extra clothes rack in your walk-in closet, and make sure your dog doesn’t hit you in the face.
We Hope That Horse Isn’t Late For Its Massage Appointment
The episode, “Game of Scones,” begins with Kyle Richards braving her clothes rack catastrophe (can you sense the sarcasm?) in order to meet at Lisa’s to discuss their fraying friendship. Lisa tells Kyle she is dismayed that Kyle hasn’t had her back when Adrienne Maloof and Camille Grammer have insulted her, while Kyle is hurt that Lisa seems to hold a grudge.
In the end, however, the two ladies do their best to move forward and toast to improving their friendship. And while they acknowledge that their friendship might not quite be the same anymore, we’re proud of them for starting to resemble the fun-loving besties that we’ve grown to love. Well done, ladies!
Brandi Glanville visits Yolanda at her daughter’s equestrian practice on her horse Lego, as Yolanda laments the fact that she only has one daughter for Bella to practice on. Ah, the plight of the single-horse family.
Yolanda Foster also mentions that she won’t be attending Lisa’s tea party, which makes Brandi nervous about having one fewer person on her side for when she sees Adrienne. Yolanda tells Brandi not to stress about the party, saying that Adrienne is “nobody.” Yikes. So the tea party hasn’t even started, and already we’re wishing it were over.
Two-Person Shower, Anyone?
Lisa puts the finishing touches on her fabulous home to prepare for the party, which includes inviting SUR bartenders Peter and Jax to Cougar Town. The "cougars" themselves then start to trickle in, including Taylor Armstrong, who has brought Lisa a vibrator as a present. Uh, we’re thinking Ken could have told Taylor that Lisa has very little need for that vibrator.
Brandi takes Taylor on a tour of Lisa’s palatial new home, and it's hard to believe that this is Lisa and Ken’s idea of a downsized pad. Brandi shows Taylor that Lisa and Ken have adjoining showers, which we would think is kinky if we didn’t actually know Lisa. Brandi and Taylor also stumble uponsome scandalous photos of Lisa. Work it, Lisa!
More of the ladies arrive to the tea party, although it’s stretch to call it a “tea” party, since there isn’t any tea on the premises. The chit-chat starts to get colorful as Brandi suggests that Marisa Zanuck and Dean try a threesome, which Marisa doesn’t appreciate. And if this is how the very beginning of the tea party is going to be, it doesn’t bode well for the rest of it.
Beware of Flying Dogs
Kyle, Faye, and Adrienne arrive, which makes Lisa and Taylor anxious. Lisa and Kyle don’t know if Kim Richards is coming, so Lisa calls Kim, who says she was on her way to Lisa’s when she was — wait for it! — hit in the face by her dog. Yes, that was her actual excuse. Granted, Kim just had a nose job and wants to be careful, but we still have a tough time buying this story, as does Kyle.
The party gets off to an okay start, as everyone is giving each other gifts — including Camille giving Lisa a peace offering, and then Lisa sharing little presents with all the ladies, including a robe for Brandi. So far, so good catastrophe-free.
But tension arises early, with Brandi appearing to snub Adrienne when the ladies all say cheers, so Adrienne reaches out her glass to her. Then, Taylor says that everyone likes to sue each other, and when the topic of Kye's White Party comes up, Taylor makes it clear that she didn’t appreciate being sent home last year for threatening to sue Camille. Buckle up.
Lisa tries to diffuse things by pulling Brandi and Taylor aside and asking them to cool it, but the ball has already started rolling. (Stupid ball!) With the three ladies away, Kyle asks Adrienne if her lawyer sent a letter to Brandi’s lawyer to threaten litigation. Adrienne makes it clear that no letter was sent, and Camille reiterates that no one is suing anyone. Uh, okay.
The Letter Vs. The Tweets
Taylor makes her way back to the table, and Adrienne tells her she didn’t send Brandi a letter. So Taylor asks Brandi if her lawyer got a letter from Adrienne, and Brandi of course confirms that she did. So then Adrienne says the word “no” about a thousand times, in case we didn’t get her drift.
Adrienne turns around and accuses Brandi of spreading lies about her and her chef Bernie, although Brandi says she never lied about Bernie. Then, Brandi says she can produce the letter that she receives, while Adrienne says she can produce the tweets. Yep, this is quite a fun-filled party.
Adrienne says again that there was no letter and no lawsuit, and she tells Brandi that Brandi cares too much about Adrienne’s life. Adrienne says she only wanted Brandi to apologize, at which point Brandi asks if she’s joking. (If she was, no one is laughing.) They each say “shame on you,” and Brandi leaves. Just like that, Lisa has called off the party — and not a moment too soon.
What did we think? Well, we think it’s astonishing that this group can’t make it through one event without chaos erupting. Then again, it was probably naive to think Adrienne and Brandi could sit at a tea party together and not start arguing about their previous issues. It was a nice thought, perhaps, but still naive.
So who deserves the blame? Well, we were initially impressed by both Brandi and Adrienne for doing their best not to start anything. Instead, Taylor who was doing her share of the initiating. The big question: What did Adrienne mean by saying her lawyer didn’t send a letter? We assume Brandi wouldn’t invent that letter - so did Adrienne not know what her lawyer sent? It’s all very confusing.
But we will dole out some compliments to people who surprisingly didn’t start any problems. First and foremost, we’re
shocked impressed that Faye didn’t seem to be getting involved in the ugliness. Nicely done, Faye! Above all, we feel badly for Lisa that her amazing skills as a hostess went to waste. Don’t worry, Lisa — we appreciated your efforts.
So we can't wait for another crazy episode next week — assuming we can survive until then without getting hit by any random dogs. In the meantime, we could use a drink. We'll take a cup of tea — but hold the tea.
That's a wrap on our Real Housewives of Beverly Hills 2013 recap for this week!