Hop on your unicorn and pull up your platform boots! In this week’s episode of Real Housewives of Beverly Hills, we learn that stage moms are the only people who say that they aren’t stage moms. We also learn Kyle Richards’ daughter Portia has the best style ever.

Margaritas and... Whatever Food Goes With Margaritas

The episode, “The Higher the Heel, the Closer to God,” starts off with Kyle and Adrienne Maloof shopping for pink clothing for Portia’s party. In other words, it seems that Lisa Vanderpump and Portia have similar tastes.

Kyle tells Adrienne not to hold her breath for Lisa to apologize for the dust-up at the Season 2 reunion, and if you ask us, that’s a wise decision — unless Adrienne can hold her breath for a ridiculous amount of time.

Then they all head over to Taylor Armstrong’s for dinner, who basically tells Mauricio, “I’m making Mexican food, or Spanish food, or, uh... whatever it is that you are.”

Taylor mentions that she’s involved with a charity walk in Sacramento for domestic violence awareness. The guys are quick to sign up — until they realize that the men have to walk in high heels. Apparently, Paul and Mauricio don’t live their lives by the same motto that we do, which is: “What would RuPaul do?”

The event is at the same time as Portia’s party, but Kyle is willing to push the party back by a bit. Mauricio then boasts that he can finish the mile while wearing heels in 15 minutes, which is a surprising thing for him to brag about.

Yolanda Doesn’t Know the Expression, “It’s Time to Cut the Cord”

We met Yolanda Foster last week, but we didn’t really get to see her in action last week, and boy, do we see her in action this week. Her 17-year-old daughter Gigi is a model, as Yolanda was, and so Yolanda joins her for a photo shoot. And who doesn’t want their mom tagging along with them at work?

Yolanda claims to not be a stage mom (ha!), but then we see her veto one of her daughter’s photos, offer advice on how to pose, and how to do her eye makeup, and also remind her (stick-thin) daughter to stay on her diet. Yes, Yolanda is clearly very laid-back and hands-off. If you ask us, Gigi could use a hug.

Paul and Mauricio put on their shoes at the event, and Mauricio is totally right to call out Paul for wearing KISS-type platform boots instead of heels. (Nice try, Paul.) And then we see Mauricio jogging during part of the charity walk, perhaps to prove that his 15-minute estimation wasn’t way off. Boys will be boys.

Kyle is preparing for the party, and we see Portia, who is adorable times a thousand in her sparkly dress and tiara. Then again, what occasion doesn’t call for a tiara?

Kyle has rented horses — sorry, unicorns — for the occasion, although she’s worried that they might go to the bathroom on her tennis court. The horse guy tells her that she can just spray the horse poop away, but we all know that Kyle’s not a “spray the horse poop away” kind of gal.

Every Kid Remembers Their First Llama Ride

Lisa is among the first to arrive, and she is her usual hilarious self, as she grabs a llama and leads it through Kyle’s house. And we don’t know about you, but we just hate it when one of our friends brings a llama into our house after we’ve specifically told them not to.

Lisa has to bail early from the party, and Kyle suspects that it’s because she’s avoiding Adrienne. So Kyle suggests that Lisa come over for dinner to her place with Adrienne so they can talk things out, but Lisa thinks it a bad idea for other people to get involved. 

And we do have to agree with Lisa, since most of the previous dinner parties on this show have been disastrous tense. However, we also think that Lisa should at least make some type of effort to clear things up with Adrienne in order to move on.

Lisa leaves the party, but now more of the other guests start to arrive. Kim Richards impresses everyone by managing to show up after all — and you know you’ve set the bar low when people are impressed just that you’re there. 

Things get a little awkward as some of the ladies want to know about Kim’s recovery. Camille Grammer is in attendance, and she finds approximately 50 different ways to ask Kim if she’s still with her ex-boyfriend Ken. (Let it go, Camille.) And then Dana Wilkey brings up sex between Ken and Kim, as if that’s what Kim is dying to talk about. (Dana will be Dana.)

Yolanda can’t make it, but she sends her teddy bear guy in her place. And you get the feeling that yes, Yolanda might actually have a guy whose sole purpose is to drive around town on weekends and deliver oversized teddy bears to all the parties that Yolanda can’t attend. We wish we could just send over a teddy bear guy when we don’t feel like going to work.

Taylor Is Very Selective With Her Hellos

Brandi Glanville arrives, and that’s when things get really tense. Taylor goes over to where Brandi and Camille are standing, and she talks directly to Camille for what feels like an eternal period of time, but completely ignores Brandi. Thankfully, Brandi just let’s it slide. Oh, wait — sorry, this is Brandi we’re talking about. We’re not sure she has a setting for “just let it slide.”

Brandi tells Kyle what happened, and decides that she’s going to head home. But Kyle and Camille both encourage her to stick around and not to let Taylor be the powerful one. We never thought we’d say this back in Season 1, but Camille really is the voice of reason these days. We’re kinda loving it.

Taylor isn’t finished stirring things up. She tells Camille about how Brandi told Yolanda last week that she’s slept with everyone in town. Then, Taylor tells Adrienne the same thing. And then Taylor tries to get Kyle to join in, too. Luckily, Kyle isn’t interested in participating and instead walks away. She’s like, “I’d rather clean up after the horses than talk to you guys, and that is saying something.”

So the episode wasn’t quite as tense as it could have been, but we’re proud of Kim for showing up for the party. We also feel that Lisa has a good read on how to handle things with Adrienne so far. As for Taylor, we don’t really know what she’s up to, but clearly she’s making things worse with Brandi.

Now we can’t wait for next week’s episode, especially for what appears to be a showdown between Yolanda and Taylor. In the meantime, if anyone needs us, just look for the person wearing the tiara. 


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