Grab your tiara and shave off your mohawk! It’s time for a wedding, Beverly Hills-style, in tonight’s season finale of The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills. The episode was all about new marriages (flowers!) and old marriages (enemas!). But don't worry — we'll try to focus more on the former than the latter.
Tonight’s episode, “The Real Wedding of Beverly Hills,” was an upbeat and smile-filled end to an otherwise heavy season. The episode begins with only a day until Pandora Vanderpumps’s wedding, as Lisa checks in on the Ringling Bros.-style tent in her backyard that has been pitched in Kevin the wedding planner’s absence.
Lisa is worried that the wedding doesn’t seem to be as small and cozy as she had hoped, and we’re thinking, “Uh, have you met Kevin?” He uses the words small and cozy about as often as we use the words “hold the whipped cream” while we're at Starbucks. Nonetheless, it looks like this wedding is going to be something that the guests are going to want to remember forever.
As for what we’re not gonna want to remember forever? That would be the sounds that Paul makes when he wakes up after his colonoscopy. (You know all the projectile vomiting that the little girl does in The Exorcist? That was basically what we are the verge of doing while watching Paul after his procedure.) And in case any other newlyweds are out there like Jason and Pandora, you should know that “administering an enema” is not on the list of “Things Married Couples Should Do To Get Back That Spark.”
Back to moments from the episode that didn’t make us queasy, Lisa and her crew continue working hard to bring the wedding together. Lisa is adamant that her husband, Ken, be careful with the section of the wedding cake he’s holding, and we understand why she’s so concerned when we learn that the cake cost a staggering $9,500. (For that price, shouldn’t there also be a stripper who jumps out of it? Just sayin’.)
As the hours tick down, Lisa is getting a little nervous that the wedding prep won't be done in time, especially since Kevin is nowhere to be seen. Finally, Kevin arrives, and what’s the first question Lisa asks him? She asks if he can do anything about the temperature on this exceptionally hot day. Uh, Kevin might be able to work wonders, but we think that controlling the weather might be expecting a lot of him.
It’s makeup time, and Lisa somehow does some type of magic trick where she makes the makeup artist turn into three people. (We just hope that Lisa isn’t in fact a mad scientist who’s dabbling in cloning, because if we learned anything from the film Jurassic Park, it’s that cloning doesn’t always turn out so well.)
Other shenanigans taking place at the Vanderpump manor in the run-up to the wedding? Ken — wearing lavender shorts (which we kinda wish he had worn to the wedding) — asks Lisa for help with his speech, and Lisa pretty much says, “Do your own dirty work, buddy.” (We hope Obama’s speechwriters are a little more helpful for this week’s State of the Union.) Lisa then comments on her tiara in her typically hilarious fashion, in which she somehow compares it to wearing knickers on her head.
The rest of the ladies (minus Kim, Taylor, and Lisa’s new bestie Brandi, who are all M.I.A.) make their way over to the wedding by car — even Adrienne, who apparently wasn’t up for crossing the street by foot. Lisa tears up at the sight of Ken walking Pandora down the aisle, and Pandora indeed looks glowing. We wish we could say something about how the wedding officiant looked, but his face was distractingly blurred, as if he was in the witness protection program.
Ultimately, the wedding has come together and looks fabulous, and everyone seems to be having a blast, as we even see Adrienne and Paul dancing up a storm. Lisa and Ken both give lovely speeches, and watching Ken dance with Pandora is a beautiful moment. We’re not exactly sure why everyone was holding sparklers at the end of the wedding (fire hazard alert!), but somehow it all worked.
We then jump ahead to three weeks later, as Kyle is inviting the ladies over for snacks and drinks to catch up with Taylor, whom they haven’t seen much of since Russell’s passing. Taylor seems in surprisingly good spirits, all things considered, and she says that her daughter Kennedy is doing better, too. Lisa then shares photos from the wedding, including one pic where she looks a tad stressed. (Lisa may want to untag herself from that one.)
Being that this is the season finale, we then get updates on how the ladies have been doing since the summer. Kyle says that she plans to take a step back from Kim’s life, and Kim is notably absent from the get-together at Kyle's place. We are also informed — which we already knew — that Kim checked into drug and alcohol rehab in December; she has since checked out after undergoing a treatment program. (Also, she thankfully was not preggers.)
Adrienne has continued working on her shoe line, Lisa and Ken are now in a smaller home, Kyle and Taylor have both been writing books, and Camille is having lots of fun with her ab-tastic boyfriend Dimitri. (We’re not sure exactly why she took that cell phone pic of just his torso, but hey — we’re not here to complain!)
So we sadly have to bid adieu to our beloved ladies once again, following another dramatic and at times shocking season. (Okay, so we'll see them next week for the reunion, thankfully!) All in all, tonight’s episode was a great way to end the season, as it was nice to see everyone get a chance to celebrate (although we probably could have done without learning all about Paul’s colonoscopy). And at least this season finale was a lot less stressful than Season 1’s finale. (The “Limo Ride From Hell,” anyone?).
We’re still hoping that everyone from the cast returns for Season 3 — and that it arrives sooner rather than later, as we can’t imagine having to go months without getting to see Giggy in more hilarious outfits (like tonight’s swanky sequined bow tie!). In the meantime, we could use a snack. Anyone feel like splitting a slice of a $9,500 cake?