Credit: Evans Vestal Ward/Bravo © 2012 NBC Universal, Inc. Photo: The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills Season 2 Reunion

There were accusations galore on tonight’s first part of The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills reunion. We heard allegations about tempers, magazines stories, shoe insults, and even dry Mexican food. The one thing everyone could apparently agree with? That Lisa Vanderpump’s behind looks better than ever. Hear, hear!

At the start of the episode, it didn’t take long for Adrienne Maloof and Lisa to go at it, proving that these two may no longer be as tight as it once seemed. When host Andy Cohen questioned whether the other ladies found it strange for Lisa to wear a tiara at her daughter’s wedding, Adrienne responded, “Once a princess, always a princess.” At this, Adrienne then received a good old-fashioned glower from the princess herself.

Evidently, Adrienne was just getting started about Lisa, as she was hurt when Lisa referred to her dog Jackpot as “Crackpot” on Twitter. Adrienne is convinced that Lisa chose to hold Pandora’s bachelorette party at Planet Hollywood (instead of the Palms), and she also feels it was “classless” for Lisa to call her shoe line the “Maloof hoof.” Lisa claims it’s just silly wordplay, although she went on to offend Adrienne by calling her shoe “fat.” Take a hint, Lisa!

At this point, Kyle Richards joined in on knocking Lisa’s style of humor, as Kyle did not appreciate Lisa telling a reporter that her splits at Pandora’s engagement party was a sign that Kyle was desperate for attention. Kyle feels this comment was just retaliation for her having told Taylor Armstrong that Lisa preys on the weak.

Taylor, for her part, says that she and Lisa have gotten along well since Taylor confronted her at the tea party (although we can’t imagine that screaming at tea party hosts is the best way to resolve things in your own life).

Lisa then tries to apologize to Kyle for the “attention” comment and to Adrienne for the now-unmentionable “word that rhymes with Maloof,” but this somehow makes matters worse. Kyle says that being friends with Lisa is like playing chess with Bobby Fischer (although if we were to play chess with Bobby Fischer, the game would last about 10 seconds). Lisa responds by saying that she’s afraid of Kyle’s temper. The retorts just don’t stop, do they?

Credit: Evans Vestal Ward/Bravo © 2012 NBC Universal, Inc. Photo: Taylor Armstrong and Adrienne Maloof at the RHoBH Season 2 Reunion

At this point, the talk turns to Taylor and Russell. Camille Grammer says that Bravo was wrong to air Season 2, given how difficult it must be for Russell’s children. Taylor says she agreed to appear on the show out of hope that the presence of cameras would put an end to Russell’s abuse. Taylor also says that it’s scary to watch herself breaking down on the show and that she feels lucky to be alive, but that she still misses Russell terribly at times.

Things get heated between Camille and Taylor, as they had at the end of Season 2, with Camille saying she thought Taylor was encouraging her to bring up Russell’s abuse by imploring Camille to tell the “truth,” and that Taylor shouldn’t have appeared on a reality show if she had such dark secrets to conceal. Taylor maintains that she only wanted Camille to tell the truth about their feelings about Lisa.

Lisa had a sense of Russell and Taylor’s relationship when she read a text from Russell to Taylor that was littered with expletives and insults. Taylor says she still finds herself expecting someone to tell her what to do or how to behave, and Camille sympathizes with her, saying that an ex of hers always made her feel inferior (hmm... wonder who she could be referring to?).

Then the ladies discuss the threatening email that Russell sent to Camille. Brandi told Adrienne and Camille that she ran into Russell the day before he sent it, with Russell claiming that he and Taylor crafted the email together. However, Taylor says this isn’t true, as she was in Vegas when it was sent, and she did not read it beforehand. Taylor also recounts the hurtful message that Russell left on her 40th birthday.

Credit: Evans Vestal Ward/Bravo © 2012 NBC Universal, Inc. Photo: Lisa Vanderpump at the RHoBH Season 2 Reunion

What’s that? Did you just say that it doesn’t seem like Lisa and Adrienne have done enough bickering for one evening? Have no fear — there was plenty more to go around! Adrienne says that Bernie’s ill feelings toward Lisa stem from a comment Lisa made about his Mexican food being “too ethnic” (huh?) and dry, which Lisa claims she never said. Lisa also feels that Adrienne should have reprimanded her employee for insulting her friend. And it’s not like Bernie kept his feelings about Lisa to himself or anything!

Things get even worse as Adrienne steadfastly accuses Lisa of selling stories to RadarOnline for as much as $25K per scoop. Lisa admits that she has talked to her friend at the publication, but she claims she has never accepted money for such chats. But Adrienne won’t back down, which Lisa says is “slander” and a “f***ing insult.” Whoa!

Andy Cohen asks if the two can recover from such hard feelings, and Lisa says she’ll have to think about it. Say it ain’t so! We’re thinking Adrienne might feel that Lisa’s mouth needs to be washed out with soap after that kind of language — but then again, apparently Adrienne believes that washing your mouth out with soap is just a normal part of one’s day.

Credit: Evans Vestal Ward/Bravo © 2012 NBC Universal, Inc. Photo: Brandi Glanville at the RHoBH Season 2 Reunion

And then, as if things weren’t contentious enough already, Brandi Glanville shows up at the tail end, seemingly as a teaser for what’s to come next week. Brandi disses her ex-husband (yet again) and says that the ladies talked about her behind her back because they couldn’t handle her sense of humor. In other words, it sounds like next week is gonna be a doozy!

All in all, this was an intense reunion, as could be expected after such a tough season. It was especially jarring to see Lisa exchanging words with both Kyle and Adrienne. We recognize that it’s easy to see Lisa’s jokes as hurtful, but perhaps her friends should know by now not to take her remarks quite so seriously. Plus, we don't really want Lisa to change, since it’s hard to imagine the show being the same without her quips! (That’s almost as unthinkable as the show without Giggy — no offense to Jackpot, of course.)

So given how crazy this week’s reunion segment was, we can only imagine what the next two weeks have in store. In the meantime, we’re looking to kill a little time. Anyone for some chess?